Farewell Fair Friend


The party was awful. The air reeked of cigarette smoke. The place was dim and the haze was so thick that I couldn’t see far beyond the people in front of me. The music was so loud I had tyell into somebody’s ear to make myself heard. A drunk woman, well into middle age, danced awkwardly on the subwoofer. She flashed her tits, which were unpleasantly saggy, and cackled like a meth whore. A guy in the corner lit up a glass pipe and started smoking crack. There was a fist fight, and I decided, then, that I was too old for this kind of bullshit and that it was time to leave. Matt was my ride home. He was gyrating with a petit blond and seemed to be having the time of his life. I decided to walk, all five miles. It was still pretty early when I arrived home. I took a shower, threw my clothes in the washer, and turned out the lights.

I woke up early. My legs ached a bit. I brushed my teeth and turned on the radio. After breakfast there was a knock on the door, one long rap, two short staccato taps, and a final long rap, Heidi. Her unannounced visits were becoming less frequent now that we were broken up, but I was happy to see her. She was sweaty. I held the door so she could wheel her expensive carbon fiber racing bicycle inside. Heidi took off her helmet and placed it on the kitchen counter. She wore spandex. I hadn’t seen her in a while. Her ass was tighter, her thighs thinner, her stomach flatter. I heard she had joined an organized racing club with scheduled practices and team jerseys.

She sniffed the air. “Smells good, what did you make me?”

“Bacon and eggs,” I replied. “I’m afraid, I ate it all, but I can cook some more.”

“That’s okay, I’ll just eat a protein bar. Can you get me glass of water, though?”


I handed over a tall glass, and she pecked me on the cheek. She gulped it down and asked for another.

“What did you do last night?” She asked.

“Nothing really. I went to a party. It was lame, so I left early. You?”

“Hot date. Finance guy. Drives a Mercedes and wears a Rolex. Really good looking. Six pack abs and a really big cock. Nice and thick!”

I pretended not to hear her, and threw the wrapper of her protein bar into the trash.

“You’re jealous aren’t you?”

I frowned.

“You are jealous!”

“Maybe I’m jealous of his big cock.”

“Yeah, damn right you are.” Heidi replied. “I always liked your abs. Your cock’s okay, I guess, once it gets hard.”

Heidi munched on her protein bar for a while. “What about the other stuff?”

“What other stuff?”

“The Mercedes, the Rolex, the date with me?”

“You know I’m happy with my beat up Corolla and my scratched Timex.”

“How about the date with me?”

“Nope, we’re broken up,” I lied.

Heidi’s lips thinned, and her eyes squinted ever so slightly, her suspicious look. We were silent for a while as she finished scarfing down her protein bar. Heidi sniffed her armpit. “Man, I stink,” she said, “I’m supposed to meet Ariel at the farmers’ market. Is it okay if I take a shower?”

“Sure, but what’s the point if you have to get back into your skanky workout clothes?”

“It’s nice out. I was hoping to borrow some shorts and a T-shirt.”

“What about a bra?”

“I’ll just let my boobs dangle. That sort of thing’s considered okay at the farmer’s market. A lot of naturalist types hang out there. You know, women with hairy armpits.”

“Doesn’t that hurt.”

“Not unless you walk too fast or run.”

“Were you going to free ball it? Or free labia it? Or whatever the term would be?”

“Nope, I was going to borrow a set of your briefs. It’s not like you stretch them out much in the front.”

“Yeah okay, you’re welcome to some of my old tighty whities, the ones with the moth holes in the butt.”

“Oh please tell me you haven’t gone back to tighty whities!” Heidi scolded. “I thought I broke you of the habit.”

“You did. I was just kidding. I keep the towels—”

“I know where you keep your towels,” Heidi said, assertively.

She emptied the pockets at the back of her jersey, placing two folded twenties, a multi-tool, another protein bar, a tampon, and a condom on my breakfast table. If Heidi was anything, she was always prepared. “You know what? I’m still hungry. Why don’t you make me some breakfast afterall?”

“Just get a pastry at the farmer’s market.”

“And pack on the weight I worked so hard to lose? I don’t think so. Besides, they’re really expensive.”

“Why don’t you meet Johnny Big Dick Money Bags there and have him buy you one.”

“You are jealous aren’t you?” Heidi said, quite self-satisfied.


Heidi smirked, and headed towards the bathroom. Over her shoulder she said, “just eggs and multi-grain toast. No OJ or bacon. Oh! And his name is Steven, by the way.”

“His name is Steven, by the way,” I said in a mocking tone, but quietly so Heidi couldn’t hear.

Heidi left the bathroom door partly ajar as she undressed. I caught a glimpse of her biker’s tan and pale ass off the reflection of my shiny espresso machine. I couldn’t make out much pussy hair as she stepped into the bath and pulled back the curtain. I wished I no longer found her attractive. It was painful to see her exposed flesh, even if it was just a glimpse.

Heidi never ran the fan when she showered. It was an annoying habit. She steamed up the mirrors and set me up for mildew. I’d have to get on my hands and knees scrub hard between the tiles. Part of me resented the fact that I was making her breakfast and lending her my clothes while Johnny Money Bags, or Steven, or whatever his name was, got to stick his thick cock in her. Regardless, I cooked her eggs just the way she liked them, scrambled, slightly runny, with a sprinkle of salt and pepper. I figured that, having eaten the power bar and being weight conscious now, she’d only want two eggs instead of her usual three and that she’d only want one piece of toast. I put out the butter and jam so she could spread it herself. I poured her another tall glass of water. I even made her a latte even though she didn’t ask for one.

She came out of my room wearing an over large green t-shirt. Unrestrained, her tits swayed when she walked to the breakfast table, they hung lower than I remembered. Her hair was still a little wet. She dabbed at it with my towel. She wore a set of designer briefs that she had bought me about a year ago. They were light blue, and the trim on the waistband and that pocket flap thingy up front was red. They fit her surprisingly well. Her muscular ass stretched out the back, so the front didn’t wrinkle.

“Wow, this underwear I got you is super comfortable!” She said.

“I know they are.” I said. “I’ll be wanting them back when you’re done, if you please.”

“She probed her finger into the flap up front. So this is where you take your dick out when you pee?”

“I suppose,” I said. I never used the flap myself. My friends who claimed to have large dicks said they used the flap all the time.

“It’s kind of useful. I could totally use it to flick the bean.”

I wrinkled my nose, pretending to be disgusted. Heidi tossed the wet towel onto the floor for me to pick up later. She gobbled down the food.

“This is so good.” She said, but her words were muffled because she was talking with her mouthful. She knew she had awful table manners, but she just didn’t care. Heidi always did as she pleased.

She took a swig of the latte. “Mmm, real good. Man, I miss coming here for breakfast.”

I missed having her even though I didn’t want to admit it. I poured myself an espresso.

“Hey, is it true you had sex with Ariel?” Heidi asked.

The question caught me completely by surprised. Heidi could certainly be direct and to the point when she wanted to. I stammered for a while, not knowing quite what to say. After a moment I regained my composure and said, “why are you asking?”

“Dunno,” she said looking down at her toast to avoid eye contact. “Just curious.”

“Seeing as you and Ariel are pretty much best friends, I think you already know the answer to that question.”

“It’s hard to believe,” she said, “I thought you guys hated each another. You’re always fighting.”

“We’re actually good friends, and we don’t fight, we bicker.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Fighting is a serious argument people have when they are mad. Bickering is a petty argument people have when they are comfortable enough with one another to express disagreement.”

“I guess that sort of makes sense.” Heidi said. “How did it happen?”

“We’ve always been friends.”

“No, how did you two end up fucking?”

“Why do you even want to know?”

“Not sure. Just curious I guess.”

“Didn’t Ariel tell you?”

“Yes, but I want to hear it from you.”

I had no idea why Heidi was asking me about this, but I decided if she really wanted to know, I should tell her. “Okay,” I said, “Ariel borrowed this famous Italian movie from the library and told me I needed to come over and watch it.”

“Was it the Bicycle Thief?”

“Yeah, I think it was.”

“She’s always going on about the Bicycle Thief. Says it’s like the best movie in the history of movies or something, but go on.”

“So I come over and the DVD is totally scratched. It keeps freezing up, which made it pretty much unwatchable. So we were sitting around wondering what to do. It’s too rainy and cold out to throw a Frisbee in the park or to go for a walk. Ariel is totally broke, so she doesn’t want to go get coffee or a beer, even when I offered to pay.”

“Yeah, she’s proud like that.”

“So completely out of the blue, she says ‘why don’t we have sex.’ I’m totally surprised, so I’m stammering and can’t think of a response. She said it was a bona fide offer and that she wasn’t making a joke. Said she always catches me checking out her ass when I think she’s not looking and that the attraction was mutual. I said her best friend is my ex, and she replied that it’s been like nearly a year and that you had moved on—”

“Yeah, I know all this. Fast forward to the point when you’re naked.”

“Well, we’re kissing, and I’m feeling up her tits.”

Heidi snorted, “I guess you can call them tits.”

“Actually she has these really perky nipples that get really puffy and swollen when they get hard.”

“Yeah, I know, I’ve seen them.”


“We were at a hot tub party together once.” Heidi said, dismissively. I was hoping for a juicer explanation, like they took molly and had a lesbian hook up.

“Well anyway, she’s lying on her back. Her legs are spread. I can barely make out her pussy lips beneath her massively hairy bush.”

“Tell me about it,” Heidi said, “it’s like a tropical rain forest.”

“How did—”

“Hot tub.”

“Oh, yeah. So anyway, I’m still wearing my briefs, a pair that came in the same packet as the ones you are wearing, only a different color. I figured she wanted oral. So I’m down low, and I patting her bush up so I can find her clit.”

“You were always good at finding the clit.”

“Well, you know I had to study anatomy.”

“Yeah, in nursing school.” Heidi said mockingly.

I ignored the slight and continued. “So before I could put the tip of my tongue to her pussy, she pushes me up and says, ‘no, just fuck me.'”

Heidi interjected, “some girls just don’t like getting oral. Strange group, but they are far fewer than guys who refuse to dish it out. A bit of an unfair balance if you ask me.”

“I like giving oral.”

“Well with a cock like yours, you kind of have to put in the effort, don’t you?”

Heidi loved to dish out the small penis humiliation, which, now that we were broken up, was completely inappropriate, but Heidi always played by her own rules and did and said whatever she wanted. Previously, I had loved her for it. I suspect that, deep down, I was some sort of masochist.

“Get to the point where you take your briefs off.”

“Okay, so I’m fucking her.”

“No, back up a bit. Tell me what she said when she saw your cock.”


“Come one. I already know what happened. Just tell me! I want to hear your point of view.”

“Fine. So I take off my briefs, and I guess I’m a bit put off that she refused my offer for oral. And it’s cold in her apartment because she’s broke and doesn’t want to pay a heavy heating bill. So my limp cock is like super small. I swear I hadn’t seen that small since like junior high.”

“Yeah, she said it was like a baby carrot.”

“Yes, thank you for that. But anyway when she saw it, she said—”

“How did you end up with a cock like that!” Heidi said, snickering.

“Yeah, I guess she told you already.”

“Well actually she wasn’t trying to put you down. What she told me was that when she saw your tiny cock it caught her completely by surprise. It made her feel completely awkward and embarrassed. She hasn’t seen one that small before and didn’t know how to react. She was trying to think of something to say that could cut through the tension. But she never could think fast on her feet, and instead she blurted out the first thing that popped into her mind. She admitted it was the worst thing possible to say and felt terrible the instant the words left her mouth. But go on though,” she said, “I want to hear your point of view.”

“Well, I decided there was no point in trying to pretend it was big, so I answered her question. I said ‘well, when they were handing out cocks, I was so eager to get one that I cut to the front of the line. As punishment, they made me stand at the back. When it was finally my turn, this was the only one they had left. No one else had wanted it.”

“And what did she do?”

“She seemed to like my joke.”

“Oh, she thought it was hilarious. Told me she laughed so hard she snorted and even pissed herself a bit.”


“Yeah, just a few drops. It was totally the right thing for you to say. Said it put here at ease so she could get horny again. But go on, what happened next.”

“She said she wanted to touch it. She started with a hand job, first with just her thumb and finger, and then she took me into her mouth. I got hard quick, and when she took it out of her mouth to give it a stroke she said, ‘wow, it’s like normal sized now!'”

“Yeah, she said you have a ‘super grower.’ She took a lot of pride in making it expand like five times over, but I told her that it wasn’t that hard to do, that you just need to touch your little dick with the end of your finger to get it agitated.”

“Good to know, I guess.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Heidi said, “much better than having to suck a guy off for ten minutes only to have his cock limp again in the five seconds it takes him to move it down to your pussy.”

“I wouldn’t know about that.”

“Just continue already.”

“She’s on her back, I have my cock in her.”

“Fast forward to when you came.”

“So I hadn’t had sex in a while, and I was really horny. I was trying to think of anything to distract me from cumming. You know, fire engines, sumo wrestlers, fluffy poodles—”

“Why fire engines?”

“They are not arousing.”

“I suppose not, but go on.”

“None of it worked. We weren’t using a condom, and I didn’t know if she was on the pill or anything, so I pulled out and came all over her. Like I said, I hadn’t had sex in a while, and I hadn’t jerked off recently either, so the load was just huge.”

“Completely covered her tiny tits didn’t you?”

“And her belly.”

“And her sofa.” Heidi added.


“Yes, but we’ll get to that later.”

“Okay, so she looks dazed for a while, like she didn’t know what had just happened, and then she gets pissed. She said, ‘how come you came so quickly?’ And she starts rubbing my cum into her skin, which I thought was weird.”

“She was trying to spread it out so it won’t drip off and stain her couch, which it did anyway. It was like a graduation gift or something, the only piece of furniture in her place that she actually likes.”

I continued, “so she lights up a cigarette. Her hands are trembling, and I’m getting a little weirded out. She walks to the bathroom and slams the door. I wasn’t sure if she was crying or—”

“She was just washing off your cum. She hates the taste and feel of it. Won’t ever let a guy cum in her mouth.”

“I ask her if she’s okay, but she doesn’t answer. I ask again, and still no answer. I decided she’s really pissed and that I better make myself scarce.”

“Oh, she thought you sneaked out without saying anything.” Heidi said, “I guess she couldn’t hear you through the door.”

“No, I wanted to talk things out, but it was so awkward.”

“I believe you,” Heidi said sincerely. “But let me give you her point of view: So what happened was you were doing that thing when you stick your cock in all the way in but instead of moving it back and forth you kind of wiggle it in circles. You know, rubbing her clit with the flesh at the base of your cock. She was totally getting into it. It’s actually a pretty good trick.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Don’t let it go to your head just yet. Ariel was like two seconds from cumming, so when you pulled out so suddenly, it left her super frustrated. Also, she was on the pill, and she hates cum anywhere except in her pussy. So when you came all over her she was totally grossed out. The combined emotions were too much for her, so she quickly got upset. It took her a while to calm down in the bathroom. When she came back out, she was going to tell you she was on the pill so you could fuck her again. But you were nowhere to be found, which made her feel completely rejected and hurt.”

“Really? I had no idea. I just figured she was a size queen and that we weren’t sexually compatible. I felt a bit humiliated, so I decided we should just go back to being regular friends.”

Heidi shook her head. “You can be completely clueless sometimes, but I guess it’s only fair. Ariel is pretty clueless too.”

“Now, I’m feeling pretty bad.” I admitted.

“Oh, you continued to make things worse.”

“I did?”

“Tell me what happened last week-end?”

“So Ariel calls me up and asks if she can do her laundry at my place so she doesn’t have to spend any money or hang out with the weirdos at the laundromat. I’m very happy to have her over so that we can put the whole sex fiasco behind us and move on. She comes over and has another video. It was this arty movie she got from the library, only it wasn’t scratched and played all the way through.”

“Knowing Ariel, probably no one else on the planet had any desire to watch it.”

“Actually it wasn’t too bad. It’s about this woman in like Scotland or something. Her husband breaks his neck and becomes a quadriplegic. So he asks her to go out and fuck other men and tell him about it. Then she gets murdered at the end the husband gets better. Very strange.”

“So lots of sex then?”

“Oh yes, lots of sex scenes. I liked that about the movie.”

“And what does Ariel do the whole time?”

“Her laundry.”

“Anything else happen with her?”

“Yes, near the end of the movie, but before the sad part when the woman gets killed, Ariel rushes to the bathroom again. And this time she is crying. I can hear her through the door.”

“What do you do?”

“I ask her if she is okay, and convince her to come back out. I press her on what’s wrong, and she said that she tried to quit this expensive knitting class she was taking but they won’t give her back any of her money.”

“And how did you react to this?”

“I told her that I know from interacting with my patients that financial stressors can provoke a lot of anxiety and depression.”

“And then what?”

“She stops crying. We finish the movie. She gets up to leave, and I give her a big hug at the door.”

Heidi buried her face in her palm. “You are so fucking clueless!”

“I am?”

“Yes. You do realize that Ariel wanted you to want her. She came over under the pretense of laundry for a fuck.”

“She did?”

“Yes, the movie was an attempt to get you in the mood. It was the closest thing to a porno she was willing to bring over.”

“It was?”

“She thought it was working at first, because you were playing pocket pool.”

“I was?”

“You are always playing with your dick without realizing it. You need to understand that just because it’s small, we can still tell when you’re squeezing it through your pants. God I hope you don’t do that at work!”

I was completely mortified. Eventually, I replied, “probably not. Most of the patients I see are old and saggy.”

“Well, thank goodness for that.” Heidi replied. “Anyway, Ariel kept waiting for you to make a move. She even placed a box of condoms on top of her laundry pile as a not so subtle hint.”

“Oh, I thought it was a small box of fabric softener or something.”

Heidi rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Why did she bring condoms if she was on the pill?”

“So you wouldn’t come in like five seconds like you did previously.”

“Oh!” I said.

“Ariel feels completely rejected.”

“Honestly, I had no idea. I really thought she just wanted to do laundry and watch a movie.”

Heidi sighed. “I know you did. I guess that’s the problem with you. You are pathologically honest. You have no understanding of false pretense. That’s why you’ll never be a multimillionaire.”

“I don’t care about becoming a multimillionaire. If I did I wouldn’t have gone to nursing school.”

Heidi was silent for a while as she formulated her thoughts. Eventually she said, “Look, I don’t want you to fuck Ariel anymore.”

“We’re broken up. You can’t dictate the terms of my sex life.”

“No, it’s not like that.” Heidi said, sincerely. “I know Ariel better than you. She’s going through a rough patch. Her career is going nowhere and she’s pretty much broke. She feels completely worthless as a person. She has no luck with men, and this whole sex fiasco that went down between the two of you is making things worse. Right now she feels completely unattractive.”

“Oh,” I said, “I think she’s very attractive”

“She is,” Heidi conceded, “even with her tiny tits and giant bush.”

I gave a short laugh.

“Look,” Heidi said. “I’m not sure Heidi really wants to fuck you, per se, as much as she wants to fuck anybody at this point. She wants to be wanted. I think if you start fucking her, one or both of you might get hurt when she finally comes out of her funk and starts thinking clearly again.”

I mulled this over for a while. “You’re right.” I said. “I won’t try to fuck her again.”


Heidi returned her attention to her latte. When she was finished with it she looked down at her tits and said, “this shirt just won’t do. It’s too big. Come help me find a better one.”

I followed her into my room. She opened the drawer and rummaged through my clothing. She took out a shirt and said “uh uh,” and tossed on the floor for me to pick up later. She repeated this, shirt after shirt, until my floor was a complete mess. Eventually she retrieved my faded blue vintage Star Wars shirt, the one with the original 1977 movie poster reproduced on the front. “Oh this is perfect,” she said, “looks like it shrank in the washer. It’ll fit tight. And look at the size of Luke’s lightsaber!”

“I thought you said that shirt was dorky?”

“Dorky on a guy. Hot on a girl!”

“Oh, how so?”

“Like this!” Without warning, Heidi slipped off my large green shirt. I caught a full on view of her tits. Sadly, the moment was fleeting.

“Tell me I don’t look hot in this shirt.”

The shirt was way too tight for her and left little to the imagination. Her protruding right tit created an additional dune upon the desert planet of Tantooine. Her left tit warped C3P0, making him wide in the middle and pushing him from the background to the foreground. The subtle bumps of her soft nipples created mounds in the desert, land mines perhaps. It was the hottest thing I had seen in ages. I wanted to take a picture and post it on the internet. “It’s okay,” I lied.

Heidi eyed me suspiciously. “How about my ass?” She turned around and stuck it out at me. “Look how tight it looks in your underwear. I dare you say you don’t like my ass?”

I really didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet. Heidi had laid out a pretty dangerous mine field. I knew I had to proceed carefully.

“Really?” she said after a pause. “I can’t believe you don’t like my new ass. You know despite all the weight I lost, it isn’t actually not that much smaller than before, but it’s way tighter. See here,” she said pointing, “it pokes out to the back now. Before it sagged out to the sides like jello.”

“It’s a nice ass.” I conceded, which was the truth.

“But you like my old saggy ass better, don’t you?”

“I liked your old ass too.”

“Yeah, but which is better.”

I took a moment to gather my thoughts. “I like your ass the way it is now, it’s super athletic.”

“I knew it—”

“But I also like your old…” I couldn’t think of the right word.”

“Fat ass. Come on, say it.”


“Say it!” Heidi barked.

“Okay, okay, you had a fat ass, but honestly, I liked that one too.”

“Really, why?”

“I liked the way it jiggled a bit when you walked. I knew its size made you a little self-conscious when you were in public, but then again, you really seemed to enjoy shoving it into my face when you were naked. It made me feel special, like it was a special treat that you only ever shared with me.”

Heidi seemed surprised. “Really?” That’s actually kind of sweet.”

“I liked how it felt like a cushion when I pounded you from behind. I like how with each thrust I would generate a wave in your fat ass that traveled into your back. I liked your old ass because it was part of you, just as your new ass is part of you too. You’re both very sexy, the old curvy you and the new fit you.

Heidi seemed genuinely astonished for a short moment, but eventually she reverted back her more cynical demeanor. “You are a sick pervert, you know that, don’t you?” I could tell she was joking. “And, for your information, I am still very curvy, only my curves are harder to grab onto because they are so firm. Except for these.” In one quick motion, my Star Wars shirt had joined its companions upon the floor. Completely bare chested, Heidi said, “what about these?”

“What are you doing exactly?” I was genuinely confused. Heidi didn’t flirt with me much anymore, much less flash me her boobs.

“Sometimes you just have to show a guy your tits.”

“Okay, but why?”

“So I can get an honest opinion. There not as firm as they were before, are they?”

Heidi was right. Her tits weren’t as full or firm as they were before, probably a byproduct of weight loss. They hung noticeably lower, and they swayed back and forth when she moved instead of jiggling. As I looked closer I could make out the faint trails of pale stretch marks along the sides. Still, they were some fine tits. Her areolas were as big as compact discs and surprisingly dark given her pale complexion, nearly brown in color. When soft, her nipples stuck out considerably. When hard, they became very long, like torpedoes homing in for the kill. I imagined how her tits would feel, soft and malleable and more willing to yield under the pressure of my groping hands.

“I like them.”


I was getting tired of tip toeing around in Heidi’s mine field. I elected then, to be blunt and to the point. “To be Honest Heidi, your old tits fit the mold better for what is considered conventional beautiful, but I like your new tits for the reason why I like both your old ass and your new ass. They are part of what makes you you.”

Heidi frowned and skulked over to my bed to plop herself down. I could tell she wasn’t happy with my response. Regardless, I continued, knowing I risked digging myself even deeper into a hole. “I actually have a fetish for tits with a little hang. So to me, your new tits are super sexy.”

“No they’re not! They’re disgusting.” Heidi said angrily.

“To me, tits that hang show that the woman is mature in both mind and body, and—”

“So I look old!” Heidi snapped.

“I didn’t say that, I said mature. Look, we all age, and I think you are aging much better than the rest of us. You know, I used to think college girls were super-hot, but now that I’m older I couldn’t see myself trying to date one. Imagine that! I would ask her if she rents of owns, but she’d prefer to talk about her favorite band or how much fun she had at her senior prom.”

Heidi gave a forced laugh.

“Now I think college girls are, at best, cute. Cute in the same way a kitten is cute.”

Heidi frowned.

“I also like how tits that hang lower move when you’re fucking a woman.”

“Pervert!” Heidi said. She sighed and pretended to look out the window, but I knew she was hurt and was avoiding eye contact. “I’m going to get implants,” she said sulkily.

I knew Heidi was playing some sort of game, but I couldn’t quite figure it out. “Somethings wrong with you.” I said. “You never do this. Normally you come over and put me down—”

“No I don’t” Heidi said, defensively

“Yes, you do, but I don’t mind.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like the attention, but let’s stay on topic. Never before have you been this down on yourself. Never before have you asked me for validation.”

“Yes, I have.”

“No you haven’t.” I said, “there’s something going on with you. Now you can tell me or not! But I’m getting tired of your games.”

“Oh, so assertive now,” Heidi mocked.

I rolled my eyes. I refocused my attention on the mess Heidi made and decided it was time to pick up my shirts. Part of me wanted to order Heidi to do it, but I knew that wouldn’t go over well.

“Okay, okay.” Heidi said, conciliatorily.

“Okay what?”

“I’ll tell you what’s going on.” She said. She took a deep breath and looked away. “Since we broke up, I’ve had some really bad experiences with dating.”

“What kind of bad experiences?”

“Well, take Stephen for example. So things seem to be going very well for a few dates. He’s taking me out to all these fancy restaurants and ordering all these expensive wines. Recently he took me to this hockey game. His firm has this premium suite box or whatever it’s called. Only no one from the firm is there, so we have the entire place to ourselves.”

With effort, I managed to hide, from Heidi, my contempt for the shameless display of wealth. I knew opening up wasn’t easy for her.

“I so wanted to make out with him, but we had an attendant. You know, to pour us drinks and hand out the hors d’ourves.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yes, it was, but we didn’t have any privacy. The game was very much one sided with the away team getting clobbered. It was boring really, and apparently Steven felt the same way. He suggested we leave early and go to his place, so I got really excited. His place was the entire top floor of this super high tower. He had a wonderful view of the entire city. We could see the green spaces and the parks and somehow the shorter high rises blocked out the sight of the more ghetto areas.”

“That’s fortunate,” I said blankly.

“We start kissing, which was pretty cool at first, but I got grossed out after a while because back at the game he had eaten all these garlic and herb cheese treat thingies that came on cucumber slices. He had horrible breath. So I decided to focus my attention downward and start unbuttoning his shirt.”

Somehow I managed to hide my jealousy and maintain an agreeable façade.

I’m kissing his chest and his abs, which are super chiseled, but he’s not groping me like most guys would. I figured he’s shy or something—”

“Finance guys are never shy.” I interrupted.

“Yeah, I know that now, but I didn’t really appreciate it at the time. But anyway, I straighten up and take off my shirt and bra so he can grope my tits. But all he does is look down at them for a second and then just nods rather nonchalantly. I could tell he wasn’t very impressed with them.”

“Well, he’s just an asshole.”

Heidi continued, “I am a bit bewildered. I’ve never been confronted with this situation before. Every other guy seems to like my tits, so I’m wondering what’s wrong with them.”

“We’ve been over this before. There’s nothing wrong with your tits!”

“Yeah okay, but getting back to the story. I guess I’m staring at him blankly for a while wondering what to do. I had just decided to show him my pussy and ass, but he finally makes a move. He undoes his belt and zipper and produces this giant limp cock.”

“Was it really that big?” I asked. My tone was, admittedly, quite pathetic.

“Not it wasn’t big, really. It was huge! I started stroking it, thinking it was just going to be a shower, you know, just straighten out a bit without getting much longer, but it kept growing and growing as it got harder. I swear it must have been nine inches long. I can barely get my hand around it.”

I hated the part of me that was getting turned on.

“He says, ‘tell me it’s not the biggest cock you’ve ever seen,’ and all though it probably was the biggest I’ve seen, I didn’t like how conceited he was about it. He starts grabbing my neck to push my head down so I can suck him off. It’s a bit rougher than I like with someone I don’t know very well, but I decide to go along with it. His cock is so big it barely fits in my mouth. I have to strain to open wide enough, and my jaw starts to ache. It was so uncomfortable. The only way I can keep at it is to take his cock out of my mouth from time to time and give him a good jerk so I can rest my jaw. Each time I take him out of my mouth, he says ‘come on, just suck it!’ but not in a sexy way, more of a bossy douche bag way. I’m getting eager to move on. I’m about to get up, finish undressing, and spread my legs wide so he can fuck me. But he groans loudly, and pushes my head down hard. He totally blows this giant load in my mouth, and, oddly enough, it tastes like garlic, which is like super disgusting. I’m totally gagging on his big cock and his big load. He finally slips his soft cock out of my mouth, but he’s still pressing hard on the back of my neck. I’m still gagging on his cum load. He’s acting all bossy, ordering me, “swallow it! Swallow it!” But I can’t swallow his load. It’s just too big and gross. I let it ooze out of his mouth. He jumps up, practically knocking me over. He says, quite loudly, ‘Look what you did! You got it all over my pants. I have to get these dry cleaned!’ He takes off his pants, slips his cock back into his underwear and hurries over to the kitchen sink. He’s trying to dab off his cum with a paper towel and keeps saying thing like, ‘God, that’s gross!’ and ‘man, that’s disgusting!’ This hurts a bit because if he thinks his cum is so disgusting, why does he think it’s a good idea to shoot it into my mouth?”

I agreed. “That is a totally jack ass thing to say.”

“Then his phone rings. He starts talking about ‘equity’ and ‘market corrections.’ He makes no effort to focus his attention back at me. He even points to the door and gives me a little wave, time for me to go.”

“This guy is a total asshole.”

“He is. Now normally, I’d be done with a guy like that, but he’s got something I really want because I haven’t had one in a while.”

“A ride in his Lexus?”

“No,” Heidi said, “a really big cock.”

“I thought you said you weren’t a size queen?”

“I did say that didn’t I? Honestly, I only said it to make you feel better about yourself.”

“Oh,” I said, insecurely. “Thanks for that, I guess.”

“No, I suppose I’m not really a size queen, but every now and then it’s nice to have a guy totally fill you up. You know, really stretch your pussy out.”

“I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

“No you wouldn’t.” Heidi smirked. “Anyway, I arrange another date with him. The plan was to get my pussy spread out, tell him he’s a lousy lay, and then dump him.”

“Man, that’s cold.”

“It is,” Heidi conceded, “but I guess I really wanted to make my exit with some control over this guy.”

“But why? You’ve said it yourself, this guy is a total asshole.”

“I guess that’s just how I work. What makes me me, as you said. Kind of like my tight ass and saggy tits.”

“There’re nice tits. Honestly!”

Heidi ignored the comment. “So I arrange a date with the guy. I come over to his place and it takes him forever to come over and open up the door. He’s on the phone with these day traders again. He nods at me, unzips his pants, and takes his giant floppy schlong out. All the while, he never hangs up the phone. He covers it briefly only to say, ‘swallow it this time,’ in a soft voice so his clients can’t hear.”

“So what did you do?” I asked.

“I kicked him in the balls.”

“You didn’t!” I said, completely shocked.

“Oh yes, and I made good swift contact too. I’ve got really strong quads now from all the cycling. I connected hard from the bottom. I felt his balls squash hard against his ‘taint. Then they popped out of his pants and turned bright purple.”

“No way!” I said.

“Yeah, he screamed and yelled loudly, ‘holy fuck!’ right into the phone.”

Normally I hated violence but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. The guy certainly deserved what he got. When I regained my composure I said, “you probably ruined like a ten-million-dollar deal.”

“Yeah, I hope I did,” Heidi grinned triumphantly. “I don’t think they tolerate screaming or sudden expletives in the finance world.”

“Actually, they probably do. But it’s a good story. I’ll be sure to share it with my grandkids, if I ever have any.”

“I’m sure you will.” Heidi beamed. I could tell she felt much better about herself now that I had taken the time to listen to her story and voiced approval of her rather unorthodox manner of breaking up with the guy. I also no longer felt any jealousy towards Steven.

We were quiet for a while. Heidi propped up some pillows behind her so that she could lean against the wall. She leafed through a novel I kept by the side of the bed. I picked up, refolded, and put away all the shirts Heidi had tossed on the floor. I kept the Star Wars shirt out so Heidi could wear it later. When I was done, I looked back at Heidi. She said, quite mischievously, “I want to see your little cock again.”

“No,” I said.

“Come on, just for a little while. Just like old times.”

“No,” I said, again. This time more forcefully.

“Well, that’s just not fair,” Heidi whined. “I showed you mine.” She said, waiving her hands at her tits, “it’s only fair you show me yours.”

“I guess you have a point there,” I said sarcastically. “Here.” I took off my shirt.

Heidi waited impatiently, “well go on. Take off your pants.”


“So we can be even.”

“But we are even,” I said condescendingly. “You showed me your chest, and I showed you mine. We’re both wearing the same amount of clothes.”

Heidi huffed a bit, but then arrived at a counter point. “That’s not entirely true. You’re still wearing jeans. I’m just wearing your briefs.”

“Fine,” I said, and took off my pants. I was wearing a pair of briefs that came in the same set as Heidi’s, only mine were grey with black trim.

“Wow,” Heidi said, “you really don’t have much of a bulge at all.” She looked down at her own crotch. “I think my bulge might even be bigger than yours.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy what you see.”

“No, not really, take off your underwear already. I want to see your little cock again.”

“Why should I?” I retorted. “That would put you ahead in the clothing department, wouldn’t it?”

“Fine,” Heidi said. She brought her feet in, and eased my briefs down her broad hips and over her feet. She stretched the waist band between a thumb and forefinger and shot them at me like a rubber band. They didn’t go very far. “Your turn now!” She ordered.

“That’s not fair at all. With your feet back and your knees together, I can’t see anything.”

“Is this better,” Heidi said seductively. She straightened out her legs and spread her knees so I could get a full on view. Her mons and outer pussy lips were stubbly. She had shaved just a few days ago, probably in preparation for Steven’s monster cock. I loved pussy stubble, but knowing she hadn’t shaved for me made me jealous again. “You like what you see?” she said, and started to stroke her big clit and meaty protruding inner pussy lips.

“Yes,” I said softly, swallowing hard.

“Well that’s good,” Heidi said, pulling her feet back in and squeezing her knees back together so that I could no longer see the goods. “I guess you’re going to have to take down your briefs if you want a second look.”

There was no point in whining. I quietly complied. Heidi spread her legs wide and started stroking herself again. “Say something funny about your tiny cock?”

“All I know are come backs. You need to start.”

“Okay…” Heidi paused for a while, thinking of something mean to say. “What’s it like,” she asked, “when you shower at the gym, and every other man there has a bigger cock than you? Does it bother you, knowing that they’re longer and thicker? That women desire their cocks much more than they desire yours? Do you hear them snicker when you step out of the shower to towel off?”

“Well,” I said, “I’ve been living with this cock for a long time now, and I’ve just learned to accept it. I know now that you can’t run away from your small cock, because you have to run backwards, and you often trip over stuff.”

Heidi laughed briefly and thrust two fingers deep into her pussy. She diddled herself a while and feigned a brief orgasm, trying to get me aroused. It was working. She looked back up at me. “That was funny. Now come over here and lick my pussy.”

“No,” I said, defiantly.

“And why not?”

“Because I know that’s what you want.”

Heidi went back to stroking herself. She was getting wet. Her pussy glistened in the lamp light. “Well, then come fuck me.”

“No,” I said, “I don’t want to,” which was very much a lie.

“Oh really now? Then why are you touching yourself?”

Indeed, I had been pulling at my cock without even realizing it. It was hard now, and had grown from about two and half inches to just over six. “I like jerking off,” I countered. “I’ve been spending a lot of quality time alone with my hand. I love my hand. We’re quite attached. I think we were meant to be together.”

“You’d rather jerk off than fuck me.”

“Yes,” I replied. It would be fun to turn the tables on Heidi, to give her the blue balls, or blue ovaries, or whatever one would call it.

Heidi raised her eyebrows. “Careful now, I might recant the offer. Come and fuck me already,” she ordered, “fuck me hard!”

“No,” I said, teasingly, “I think I’m just going to jerk off.”

“You asshole!” She launched herself off the bed, and planted her lips on mine. Her tits squeezed outwards as she pressed herself against my chest. She grabbed my cock firmly with a hand, tugging so hard it almost hurt. I pushed back slightly, so I had more room to grope her. As we circled tongues, I fondled her tits. I loved how they felt in my hands, softer than before, with fleshy folds that slipped out slightly into the gaps between my fingers. I squeezed and pinched her nipples between thumb and forefinger. They became agitated and protruded from her chest, each jutting out nearly two inches.

I became aware, as we embraced, that Heidi had been pushing me with her hip, causing us to rotate toward the left. She pulled her face off mine, grinned mischievously, and shoved me violently with both hands. I lost my balance and fell upon the bed. In an instant, she was on top of me, pinning my shoulders back and wiggling her hips to finagle my rock hard cock into her warm wet pussy. Her aim was off, and her barbed pussy stubble chaffed the side of my cock like sand paper. At last she slid her two dripping wet inner pussy lips so that they cradled my cock like the buns of a lobster roll. She tilted the top of her pelvis forward, and my shaft shot upward and forward into her warm wet hole.

“The smaller ones glide in pretty easy,” she said, grinning.

Heidi grinded her clit against my pubic bone, her pussy stubble bit into the soft skin that circumscribed the base of my cock. With each hand, I grabbed a broad butt cheek. Her ass was so much firmer than I remembered. She took my hands in hers and moved them onto her chest. “Please,” she said, “right here.”

With my thumbs I drew circles around her wide dark areolas. My fingers brushed ever so softly against the base of her nipples. I sat up a little and took her left nipple into my mouth. I sucked hard. Her nipple had a slight coppery taste as if it were cast from metal. Heidi went rigid. After a short pause her arms and legs went into a sort of spasm and began to jerk. She screwed up her face and shut her eyes tightly. Her pussy seemed to clamp down, gripping my cock like a vise. Eventually she relaxed. Heidi opened her eyes and moaned softly. “I can’t believe I came already.”

Heidi began to grind her clit into my pubic bone again. I started to feel a warming sensation at the head of my cock and pressure building up inside me. It wouldn’t be long before the dam would burst and I would shoot my jizm forcefully into Heidi’s slippery pussy. I took her right tit into my mouth, and, without thinking, bit her nipple hard. It was an impulse I couldn’t resist. The tension within me was just too strong.

Heidi shrieked. “Ow, that fucking hurt!” She slapped me across the forehead, firmly enough to stave off my escalating arousal but not hard enough to cause any real damage.

“Sorry,” I said, “I guess I got carried away.

She rubbed her nipple for a while and checked to see if I had left a mark. Feeling better, she spun around so her back was facing me. “If you can’t handle my tits with respect, then I’ll just have to take them away.”

I tried to reach around her to grope them, but she leaned forward so they were out of reach. She rode me reverse cowgirl for a while and then stopped suddenly. “You know what, I think I’m going to make you eat my pussy after all.”

She backed up and planted her ass and pussy into my face, rubbing her stubble into my cheek and bending my nose out to the side painfully. I grabbed her ass and pushed her forward a bit, so my nose wouldn’t break. I pressed my lips against her slit and flicked her giant clit with the end of her tongue. “Mm, that’s nice,” she said.

Her head towards my knees, she took my cock into my mouth and slurped loudly. As I probed her clit, she became rigid again as muscle tension built up inside her. She sat up, bearing most of her weight on her knees so she wouldn’t crush my face. Her ass was so firm now that her cheeks no longer collapsed inward, and that’s when I saw it. It had never seen it before, and it was beautiful, in a sick perverted sort of way. Small pink bumps splayed out radially like spokes on a bicycle wheel from an unimaginably tight little hole. Heidi’s asshole was perfect, and irresistible. I swear it winked at me. Without thinking, I pushed my face forward and licked her ass with my tongue.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe—” followed by a shout, “I’m cumming!”

Heidi jerked again. Her muscular ass cheeks squeezed together, pinching my mouth and chin firmly. When the spasms subsided, she crawled forward onto her hands and knees.

“Oh that was awesome!” she said, “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Well, you know—”

“Shut up already, and do it again!”

From the doggy position I resumed rimming Heidi’s tight asshole. It puckered periodically against my lips and tongue. I thrust two fingers into her gaping pussy, which became slick with her juices. I took my hand out and pushed the pad of my forefinger against her small pink bumps. Her ass put up some resistance at first but eventually yielded. I pushed my finger deep into Heidi’s ass, all the way up to the knuckle. Heidi shuddered.

“Does that hurt?” I asked.

“Kind of,” she said, “but in a good way.”

I moved my hand in small circles. The sides of my finger pushed outwards against the firm walls of Heidi’s tight snare. Her hole started to relax a bit, the grip became looser. I thrust in my middle finger so my forefinger wouldn’t get lonely.

In the mirror, I saw Heidi’s eyes pop open wide. “Oh my God!” she said, “oh my God!”

I slipped my fingers out of her ass, and went back to licking her giant clit and meaty pussy lips. Periodically, I would thrust my tongue back into her spicy bung.

Heidi shifted her weight and rolled onto her back. Her eyes were wide open, pupils dilated, a crazed sort of look, but a sexy one none the less. In a deep seductive tone, she said slowly, “I want you to fuck me up the ass.”

Heidi pulled her legs back far so that her knees were nearly even with her shoulders. I slid myself forward in the bed so that I was over her. I aimed my cock downward towards her pink puckering asshole, but she took hold of it with some fingers and directed me upwards. “Not just yet,” she said, “slide it in my pussy first.”

Back in her warm wet hole, I gyrated around in circles.

“That’s right,” she said, “get it nice and slick.” She pushed softly on my hip, a signal for me to withdraw. “Okay, she said, stick it up my ass.”

I pressed the head of my cock against her bumpy pink hole but encountered significant resistance.

“Be gentle,” she urged, “I’ve never been fucked up the ass before.”

I pushed forward slowly, but her tight snare kept me out. The slippery head of my cock slid out to the side, brushing against her barbed pussy stubble. Heidi took the tip in her hand and guided my shaft back into proper alignment. “Push,” she said.

I felt pressure building up at the tip of mycock. For a second I thought it was going to bow out to the side and snap. Heidi bared down upon it, and the sluice popped open. The end of my cock shot inwards.

“Ohh!” Heidi said, scrunching shut her eyes.

“Does that hurt?” I asked.

“A little.”

“Want me to take it out?”

She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. “No,” she said, “let’s do this.”

I pushed forward slowly and gently, sliding my cock about an inch further into Heidi’s asshole, which seemed to flush, turning from pink to red. Her ass felt like a hose clamp wound tightly around my shaft. It was exhilarating. Heidi pushed back softly on my hip, and I pulled back to where I was before. She cupped my sack in her hand and pulled slightly, urging me forward. With Heidi setting the pace, I thrust in and out, in and out. With time her vise like grip slackened, and I was able to advance faster and harder. I found myself as deep as I could go, my balls piled up awkwardly along Heidi’s crack.

“That’s actually starting to feel pretty good,” Heidi said and started to rub her meaty pussy lips with the flat of her hand. Her breathing became faster, and she closed her eyes again. This time her face was relaxed, a look of pleasure.

“Harder,” she urged, “faster!”

I escalated the force and tempo of my forward thrusts. Heidi’s asshole began to make obscene but gratifying slurping noises. Faster and deeper, I rode Heidi’s ass as hard as I could. Her tits jiggled up and down and around and around, like two tether balls trying to escape their bonds. It was magnificent. Her face and tits flushed and she went rigid. As her limbs started to jerk she screamed, letting out a loud, primordial animal sound. It was deafening and both terrible and wonderful.

I remained still, and didn’t slide my cock out of Heidi’s ass until her breathing returned to normal. She sat up on her elbows, and beckoned me forward. “Come here, you,” she whispered softly. “Time for your reward for a job well done.”

Heidi clutched my cock hard in and jerked me fast. My cock was still slick from her clingy pussy juices. I could feel the pressure building up inside my body at the base of my cock. My breathing became deeper and labored. Heidi had no problem reading me. Eager to hasten things along, Heidi took my cock into her mouth and swallowed it down into the far reaches of her throat. I felt her wet tongue lash my sack gently.

“Oh, my God,” I shouted, “I’m going to—”

Heidi pulled back her head. A trail of thick spittle spanned from her lips to my cock like a suspension bridge. She squeezed the head of my cock firmly in her hand, a way to postpone the inevitable. “No” she said softly, “cum all over my saggy, sloppy tits.”

Heidi let go, and so did I. Jet after jet of sticky seamen shot forcefully out of my cock onto her body. The first spurt wandered high and stuck to her chin. Much what followed landed on target. Heidi cupped her hanging tits and twisted her core so that both of her magnificent breasts got equally splattered by my hot sticky cum. It was the biggest load I had ever made, and I continued to dribble as Heidi rubbed my cock between her two sticky soft sloppy tits. By the time I had gone limp my cum had dripped downward, pooling into her navel, streaming into the pink slit between her two meaty pussy lips, and leaving behind a slimy trail on her firm flat stomach.

We lay down next to each another. My breathing returned to normal, and my cock shrunk back from an angry six inches to its baby carrot-like resting state.

“Wow, I’m really sticky.” Heidi said.

“It was a big load,” I agreed.

Heidi was about to laugh when her mouth suddenly gaped and her eyes shot wide open. She looked horrified. She vaulted off the bed and ran towards the bathroom, grabbing a tit in each hand so they wouldn’t swing too wildly.

“I’m borrowing your toothbrush!” she shouted, “I’m not giving you a say in the matter.”

She must have brushed for at least ten minutes, and probably gargled five or six times afterwards with mouth wash.

“I can’t believe I put your cock in my mouth after you stuck it up my ass.” She said.

I was polite enough not to point out that my cock also made it down her throat, and that brushing and mouthwash wouldn’t help her there.

“I’m never going to do that again.” She straightened up and looked at herself in the mirror. “I better clean up,” she said, “if I meet Ariel wearing your T-shirt and smelling like sex, she’s going to figure out pretty quickly what just happened.”

“That would be bad,” I agreed.

Heidi splashed her tits and stomach with water, creating puddles across my bathroom floor for me to clean up later. She lathered her tits up with hand soap and rinsed them off again, creating even more puddles. Placing her hands at her sides, she took a long look at herself in the mirror, twisting her body periodically, so she could see herself in profile. “You know what, I’m getting used to my new tits,” she said. “I kind of like how they hang.”

“That’s good.” I said blankly. My after sex had glow faded, and I felt depressed. Heidi would be gone soon. I had served my purpose. Now that her confidence had been restored, she would seek out other men. I was merely a weakling so in love with her that she could play me like a puppet. It was pathetic.

Heidi took another fresh towel off the rack and dried herself off. She walked back into the bedroom and tossed it onto the floor for me to pick up later.

“My ass is kind of sore,” she said, putting on the briefs I had loaned her. “It’s going to be hard to ride a bike for a while. I’m going to have to interrupt my training for a couple of rest days.”

With her pussy stubble tucked away, she retrieved my Star Wars shirt and slipped it over her head. For some reason C3P0 looked particularly astonished. Perhaps he had never witnessed ass to mouth before. “I liked it though. We’ll have to save anal for special occasions. You know, like birthdays and Christmas.”

“Uh huh,” I said.

“I do like the rim job you gave me though. We’ll have to do that more often.”

“Uh huh.” Melancholia had set upon me.

“I’ll make it worthwhile for you though. I can deep throat your little cock from time to time.”

“Uh huh.” The despair of stray kittens and crippled orphans could not compare to what I felt that moment.

“Oh stop acting so glum. You know I’m just teasing. Your cock is fine when you’re using it. Maybe even a little above average in length.”

“Uh huh.” To be dead and buried was my sole ambition.

“Hey, let’s go see a movie tonight, a fun one. Not one of those art films that Ariel like but a vapid one complete devoid of social merit. You know, the kind with car chases and lots of explosions.”

I barely managed, another “uh huh,” but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t audible. My cock had retreated back into my body completely, searching in vain for my sunken spirits. I swear it looked like I had two belly buttons.

“Then we can eat dinner, and we can go back to my place. I’ll let you fuck me again, only this time let’s make it long and slow, and only in the missionary position. Oh, but you have to lick my pussy first this time—” Heidi interrupted her train of thought and snapped, “what the fuck! The girl of your dreams shows up unannounced at your place, twenty pounds thinner, and lets you fuck her up the ass. Why the Hell do you look so Goddamn depressed!”

It was hard to keep my composure, to keep the tears from flowing, to stop my voice from trembling, but somehow I managed to pull it off. “Look, Heidi,” I said firmly, “I had a really good time just now, but this whole casual sex without attachment just won’t work for me.”

Heidi rolled her eyes. “God, you are so fucking clueless sometimes! Why do you think I even came over today?”

“It wasn’t to borrow my underwear?”

“No, you dork! So we could get back together.”

The End.


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