My sister and I shared an apartment for about eighteen months. One day she caught me jerking off in the den watching TV. I really don’t know how long she had been watching, but when I came I looked over and saw her.

“God, I’m sorry,” I said, and covered up quickly “Please, don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Don’t worry, maybe it’s still growing,” she said.

She chuckled and left the room.

Penis warmer

One of my fake stories is about my sister giving me a penis warmer for Christmas. Well that part is true, what was also true was my wife’s reaction. I pulled the knit warmer out of the bag and it took a while for me to figure it out.

“It’s a penis warmer,” My sister said and laughed.

That’s when my wife said, “It’s so big.”

“Well, I guess it didn’t grow anymore did it,” my sister said.

I then had to tell my wife about my sister catching me jerking off.

He’s over compensating

I had gotten a really big watch for Christmas, a present I had asked for. Every time I wore it, people would comment about how big it is. One evening my wife and I were going out and got a baby sitter, a college girl we knew and her friend came over to sit for us. We had been out with some friends, and had a few drinks. When we came home one of the girls commented about my watch, and without hesitation my wife blurts out, “He’s just over compensating.”

I blushed and looked at my wife wide eyed. She immediately realised what she had said and tried to back peddle, but it was too late. Both of the girls looked me up and down and just busted out laughing. We’ve used them again since then, but it was really awkward.