Let’s Cut The Dick Shaming Out

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This article contains adult sexual content & themes, and should not be read by those under 18, or considered minors in their country or locale. If you are under 18: CLICK HERE
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By Catherine Straus

It’s never OK to shame anyone’s gender or body, and it’s no more acceptable for me to place a value on someone based on his penis than it is for anyone to insult a female’s physique.

“Is it still redeemable? Third time’s the charm,” read the message I sent to a guy in my building whom I’d turned down twice before.

I then immediately shut off my phone for 10 minutes for fear of the rejection that might follow. If I hadn’t, I would have been tempted to check it every 30 seconds for a reply, or even for just the ellipse typing bubble. Not having sex in a week and a half was enough to constitute a college dry spell for me, and I felt like I was re-virginising. I could not allow that to happen and had to get rid of those spider webs growing in my vagina ASAP. The “sure, I’ll come down right now!” reply was all it took for me to find my solace once again.

In the 15 minutes that followed, I had an anticlimactic college sexual experience so unemotional that even making eye contact would have been deemed inappropriate for the situation. Neither the pretence nor the activity itself were charming, which was why I felt justified in discussing it with my closest friends, penis size and all.

Because my friends and I openly discuss every one of our sexual encounters like high schooler’s in a locker room, I had to give them a full breakdown of the mishaps. I had never considered penis size as a factor when deciding whether or not to sleep with someone. As soon as my sexual partner’s penis size became an issue of incompatibility during sex, however, I began to reflect upon dick lengths, even though the idea of dismissing someone because his or her genitalia isn’t mainstream porn-worthy clearly seemed absurd and unrealistic.

“At least you didn’t choke, right?” my friend joked, as we continued our conversation about ideal penis sizes.

It is hard not to be unsettled by how problematic body shaming has become in our society. Still, I felt comfortable talking about my latest sexual partner’s ‘mediocrity’, insulting him based on his penis size. But as my one-night stand walked past me a couple of days later, I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, realising how ridiculously superficial and cruel all my comments were.

In ‘Discipline and Punish’, Michel Foucault determines that there is a preconceived notion that we are constantly being watched and judged by society. And boy, is that a fucking difficult way to live. Not only that, but society also propagates what constitutes ‘good’ and whether or not we fit into that category. It has the power to designate whether or not we are worthy and to alter the value we place on ourselves. Because of the emphasis society places on appearances, how others perceive us becomes how we perceive ourselves.

Foucault put it best when he wrote, “He who is subjected to a field of visibility … becomes the principle of his own subjection.”

We should not imprison ourselves, and we should not determine our worth by how others perceive us, especially if that perception is based purely on physical attributes. No one’s physique should be what is primarily evaluated — not Jen Selter’s butt and certainly not someone’s dick size.

As of Sunday, there are 73,050 Instagram posts with the hash tag ‘bodygoals’. Clearly, there is a social media trend of users worshipping particular body types. But you should know that even though you may post a picture of your favourite celeb’s body with the hash tag ‘goals’, you’re probably never going to look like that, and that’s all right. We all have our own unique perfections to achieve, and attempting to look like someone else is an impossible mission. All any one of us can do is strive to be the best version of ourself, and that best version is not going to be the same as any specific celebrity’s.

How ridiculous would it be for my hook-up to post a picture of a pornstar’s penis with the hash tag: #dickgoals?

It’s never OK to shame anyone’s gender or body, and it’s no more acceptable for me to place a value on someone based on his penis than it is for anyone to insult a female’s physique.

According to the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, ‘women are much more likely than men to develop an eating disorder. Only an estimated 5 to 15 percent of people with anorexia or bulimia are male’.

Even though there’s a larger societal opposition to body-shaming women, body-shaming men is just as inappropriate and certainly just as hurtful. I never commented directly to the person whose penis size I discussed, but the effects of the comments remain as influential as ever. By playing into societal norms of judgement, I have increased the acceptability of trash-talking.

As in Foucault’s idea of self-subjection and self-imprisonment, by imprisoning others, we are creating a prison in which we will ultimately trap ourselves. By not denouncing body shaming, I allow it to continue to exist and grow. Even in a private conversation, mutual respect should be maintained, free of labels and metaphorical prison bars.

Whether or not you choose to judge others by society’s conception of ideal body image is what’s important at the end of the day, not dick size. Lowering someone’s self-esteem through thoughtless and insensitive comments — that, my friends, is unredeemable.



  • JessieTV

    Speaking for myself as a person with a small penis, I enjoy acknowledgement of the fact that my penis is small and agree that although popular, the degrading aspects of SPH (Small Penis Humiliation)… is something that I tolerate for a lack of other options, not because I actually actually being truly belittled. I like when women like my small penis for a variety of reasons, including if it’s too small to please them or satisfy them because it is simply not long or thick to do so. If it is appreciated as cute, sensual, amusing to fondle or any number of reasons that amount to something positive to say, then I say AWESOME!

    Truth of the matter is that those of us with small penis’ are overwhelmed with SPH, and find it very difficult to find women who are fond of our cocks in some positive way. For me it isn’t about being able to please or satisfy my woman with a penis that fills her need to be filled and fucked with a cock that gets it done because it is able to get it done. For me it is about being sexy for her, and where I lack capacity so to speak, we use toys that can and do fill her appropriately. I am also a transvestite who enjoys putting on clothes and makeup to look like a “chick with a dick”, and greatly enjoy being a “bottom” who loves her on top. On top with a strap on, or any other way she would to dominate and fuck me to be perfectly blunt. It’s not for everyone, but works for us. Because I fully accept that my penis is simply not up to the task au naturale, I have found that pleasing her orally while handling a sufficiently sized dildo is an awesome way to meet her needs and enjoy myself in the process.

    I’m guessing that any woman who has read this far is at least open to what I am saying, and for you I wish to encourage your man or one that you meet online here or elsewhere, to feel good about pleasing you while you “play” with him with respect of his undersized penis. If you really like being a playful and pleasing addition to a man who is unable to please women with girth, let him know what you do like and try to push his buttons too. If he’s at all like me, there is plenty to do with him where both of you can be satisfied, but please understand that just because 99% of what you find online with regards to small penis porn is not what many of us really want, but is all that seems available. Trust me, if you ask him about the things I am speaking of, you’ll be perhaps surprised to know how to really and genuinely evoke all that you can erotically and sensually from a man who otherwise appears to have very “little” to offer.

  • Anonymous

    Do not take this as an insult but as a cause for thought. You’re saying there’s something wrong with society but maybe there’s something wrong with you? We do not need to demonize shaming because people who do this are already perceived as horribel and can obviously live quite happy with them self. Keep in mind that you cannot change how someone thinks or says only your reaction to it. Offense is never given it is always taken.


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