50 Small Dick Jokes


These are just jokes. If can’t laugh at yourself then don’t read them.

1. When you got circumcised, did they use an electron microscope?

2. Your dick’s so small, you can sodomise ants.

3. Your dick’s so small, you can masturbate through the slits in a fork

4. Your dick’s so small, you rent out the Hubble telescope when you have to piss.

5. Your dick’s so small, bacteria laugh at it.

6. Your dick’s so small, you could screw a pasta strainer.

7. Your dick’s so small, the doctor wasn’t quite sure what you were.

8. I never knew you could have a belly button under your stomach.

9. Your dick’s so thin, I’ve seen paper clips wider.

10. Your dick’s so crooked, it’s like a compass, it always points north.

11. There’s bread harder than your dick.

12. Your dick’s so small, you could get a B.J. from a crease in a lip.

13. Your dick’s so small, the police filed it as a missing person.

14. Your dick’s so small, a cop frisks you and asks, “Sex change?”

15. Your dick’s so thin, you could turn it sideways and it’d disappear.

16. Your dick’s so thin, Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) is jealous.

17. Your dick’s so small, when you have sex, girls ask if it’s in yet.

18. Your dick’s so ugly, it’s like a pimple with a pulse.

19. When you go swimming in cold water, does your dick get bigger?

20. Your confusing an inch with a foot again.

21. Your dick’s so small, satisfying a woman for you is “Mission: Impossible”.

22. There’s a wrinkle in your pants, you hard?

23. How about I kick you in the nuts? That’s a foot. Contrast and compare.

24. Your dick’s so small, when you were born, the doctor smacked the wrong side.

25. Are you ever gonna get that wart lanced?

26. What does a man with a small penis have for breakfast? (PAUSE) I dunno, what’d you have?

27. Your dick’s so thin, paper called you up and said, “YOU BASTARD!”

28. Your dick’s so small, it sleeps in a matchbox with a cotton swab pillow.

29. Your dick’s so small, you’ll never be half the man your mother was.

30. Your dick’s so small, you could use a thimble and fishing line for a thong.

31. Your dick’s so small, I haven’t laughed that hard since I saw your balls.

32. Your dick’s so small, your condoms look like the thumb of a latex glove.

33. I bet you can make your dick disappear by breathing in and out.

34. Your dick’s so ugly it cries itself to sleep at night.

35. Your dick’s so small, you stand next to a light switch naked all day crying.

36. You got less meat in your pants than there is in a vegetarian restaurant.

37. After hours of going at it with a woman, she yawns and asks if you’re done yet.

38. Your dick’s so small, it looks like one of the California raisins.

39. Your dick must be tiny, I heard you had sex with a shower head.

40. When you get hard it looks like a toothpick.

41. Your dick’s so thin, it represents Weight Watchers.

42. Your dick’s so ugly, they put in fields to scare away the crows.

43. Your dick’s so small, your girlfriend took it to court and they threw it out for lack of evidence.

44. The only time you can give a woman orgasm is when you pull out your American Express.

45. Your dick’s so small, you think it’s gonna explode when you cum.

46. Your doctor called he said you had a small problem.

47. You have to put the seat down to piss, right?

48. The only thing your dick’s bigger than is a grain of dust.

49. Your dick’s so small, you piss on your nuts.

50. Your dick’s so small, sperm’s a tight squeeze.


Small Dick Limericks

There once was a cock hungry whore,
When fucking, she always kept score,
A nine is just heaven,
But she dreamed of eleven,
Less than five is bit of a bore.

In bed Cathy’s always a hit,
With her smokin’ hot pussy and tits,
But Pee-Wee’s so small,
She can’t feel him at all,
She just stares at his cock and says: Shit!

Mary loved to enjoy,
The feeling of her big toy,
She’d dildo her cunt,
And cum with a grunt,
Cos her man was hung like a boy.

There once a man called Jock
Who had a very small cock.
His wife insisted,
So then she enlisted,
A black man to take his spot.


One comment

  • John Dugan

    Some funny stuff here! Guys, remember, whatever the size, keep it healthy.


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