Our Readers SPH Experiences: IIsmall Edition.
By llsmall
This is really three stories more than one, but they are a bit painful, so I will narrate them as well as I can. It happened just before the pandemic and is really embarrassing, so that I won’t go into ALL the details, but I will try to capture most of it.
My fiancé, Nicole (30), and I (25) are graduate students, and we live in university housing. It’s a bit strict and expensive, but we can live together, and we like it. This is a story about how she and I had to stay with my stepfather during COVID and how that led to me being completely and utterly emasculated for my small penis.
My stepdad is a stringent man leading to A LOT of humiliation over the years. He has made me call him ‘daddy’ from the first minute he came into our life. I have no privacy in his house. If he feels like walking in while I’m in the shower to see what’s taking me so long, he will do that. He also liberally kisses me in the mouth. I feel it was a way to assert dominance. If he ever spanks me for being bad, it is an all-out insane spanking where he would essentially rip off all the clothes and underwear I happen to be wearing at the time and spank me senseless until I was crying my eyes out no matter who was around. My mom died a couple of years after they married, and I had to live with him though he became more strict over time.
One of his strictest rules was that at 9 PM, I had to undress completely and give him all my clothes and underwear to do laundry. Making this utterly humiliating was that I have a very small uncut cock that shrivels up inside my body, and I have almost no balls. (It does get up to 3.5-3.75 hard but looks very small flaccid.) He has a cock that is cut, long, thick, and hairy, and low hanging balls. (Sometimes he undresses at 9 PM with me, sometimes he doesn’t, but he ALWAYS forces me to be naked from 9 PM to whenever he wakes up the next day. Which I feel is unfair, but at least I am usually able to get dressed when he wakes up around 9-10 AM.) I found out he was strict about this ‘undressing’ routine once when I was 17 and had a friend whose dad was late to pick him up.
I thought we’d wait after my friend got picked up to do laundry, but he forced me to undress even though my friend was right there. My friend had never seen me naked and obviously enjoyed the humiliation of seeing how underdeveloped I was. When the other dad got to our house around 10:30 PM, they talked for about 20 minutes while I stood there nude on the verge of tears. I worked up the courage to try to talk to him about it after my friend left, but before I could say anything, he said to me something like: “If you’re going to have a little dick, you at least need to pretend to be brave enough to show it.”
He tussled my hair and gave me a playful spank, and honestly, I had nothing to say against that but just felt defeated. My friend, of course, told everyone, and it ruined my reputation. If I was ever bad enough to upset him but not bad enough for a big spanking, it led to a big lecture late at night after he’d done my laundry. He’d take me to the backyard, within earshot and sometimes within view of the neighbors (if they were in their yards), and while I stood there naked, he’d grill me like this:
Stepdad: “What are you?”
Me: “Just a little boy.”
Stepdad: “And what am I?”
Me: “A real man.”
Him: “What does a boy do?”
Me: “A boy does whatever a real man asks whenever he asks it with no hesitation.”
Him: “And what does a man do?”
Me: “A man provides guidance and protection for the boy until he proves he is physically and emotionally mature.”
Then, he would describe how I behaved immaturely that day and what I should have done instead. It was usually utterly humiliating, and I was in tears by the end of it. Like, ‘I will ask my daddy for permission before eating candy’ or stuff like that. Over time, especially after I turned 21, this stopped happening every day, and more became a thing that would only happen once or twice a week, so that did get better. Some things didn’t change at all, however. For example, since I got a phone, I have only been allowed to use it with his permission, and more recently, when I’ve gone home for break, he keeps my phone locked all day because he thinks I need to be focused on more ‘man things.’
I am *technically* not allowed to have sex because he said I was not ‘mature enough for a woman.’ He doesn’t know it, but Nicole and I have sex all the time. Interestingly, he implied I could have sex with men, but I never understood why that was OK and mostly never pursued that. So, anyway, these are the kinds of things he would do. He runs a tight household where he controls every aspect of my privacy and life and makes sure that everyone knows it. Honestly, around him, I feel pretty emasculated. He is a complete alpha, and I am not, but I do have a handful of things I do to keep feeling like a man, like keep my beard well-groomed and keep my chest hair long, and of course, Nicole.
A couple of days before, COVID caused me and my girlfriend’s graduate dorm to close. We were supposed to stay at his place overnight, just one night. I’d *specifically* asked dad if we could suspend the rule of me having to give him all my clothes at 9 PM for the day when Nicole and I were staying with him. (In large part, I didn’t want him to get naked and for Nicole to see him nude.) After MUCH begging, he finally agreed that we were supposed to stay with him for one day. Part of the way I got him to agree was by reminding him that Nicole and I were not allowed to have sex.
I know I’m one of the only guys she’s ever seen naked, but I always make a point not to let her see me flaccid and always have the lights off when we make love. We were supposed to stay just one day so dad could meet Nicole, and it worked out well to have this one exception. With dad showing how flexible he was in not making me strip, I questioned whether Nicole meeting him would be a day of humiliations or if he’d finally start treating me like a man. I even had this plan of asking for his permission to have sex that I would work up to if things went well.
The humiliation started from the second I opened the door. First, when I entered the door, he gave me a big wet kiss on my mouth. (Like an extended peck.) Next, he kissed MY girlfriend in the mouth, and I feel like I saw some tongue. She seemed completely shocked at first, but then she looked like she really enjoyed getting to know my stepfather so intimately so quickly. He had his hands all over her hips and waist and back, making her make a couple of turns for him, saying how ‘beautiful’ she was. At one point, it seemed like he was actually touching her ass, but I think maybe I was just paranoid because she didn’t seem to have a problem with it.
Although the rest of the day proceeded OK, the next humiliation was even worse. He suggested we jump in the pool, even though we didn’t have bathing suits. Daddy said Nicole and I could use our ‘birthday suits’ or could use ‘thongs from [his] old girlfriends.’ Nicole immediately suggested going on our birthday suits (naked!) as she didn’t feel comfortable wearing another women’s underwear. I immediately panicked. Nicole had never seen me fully nude in the daytime. Never. Much less with shrinkage from the pool. And I suspected dad would wear one of his skimpy speedos, which features his massive bulge prominently. On the verge of tears, I begged him to let me wear something of his. I also had to beg my girlfriend to please wear something. It was one of the most degrading experiences of my life. I was almost on my knees begging them, but it wasn’t like I could say, ‘Please don’t make me show my small penis and don’t show my dad your naked body.’
So, all I could say was I’d be embarrassed, and when they asked why I just said, “please, please just don’t.”
Finally, dad let out a joke. “He’s probably embarrassed to show his tiny willie,” and he made the small penis sign with his fingers very close together.
He retold a story about when he took me to his urologist friend a couple of years ago because he wanted me to get a circumcision, but his friend Dr. Rob refused to do it because he was afraid of what could happen given my size. (I think dad exaggerates this story a little bit when he says, Dr. Rob didn’t say it was impossible only ‘tricky’ and that he was worried it would result in me having a buried penis, but from prior experiences, I have learned that it comes across even more embarrassing if I correct it.)
Eventually, we reached a compromise and got into the pool with me wearing dad’s tighty whities, Nicole wearing her almost see-through underwear and no bra, and my dad wearing his speedos. His speedos were navy blue, and although they were not tight per se, his package was so big that it looked like they could burst any minute. His big uncut head was visible in his speedos which made me feel totally inadequate as I had to hold up my tighty whities with both of my hands. While I realized they were too big on me, I was forbidden from rolling up the waistband to make them fit, so it was almost as if I actually was naked because I couldn’t just cover up when I was underwater.
Anyway, my stepdad was completely fixated on Nicole. When we all jumped in the pool, they didn’t even notice my tighty whities. Dad and Nicole were all over each other, so they didn’t even say anything to me. Although she was acting like she was covering her breasts, she was obviously not doing it very carefully, and I saw her breasts a bunch of times even though they were constantly very close to each other. I saw his hand under her underwear a couple of times, but I don’t know why he’d do that. He would often put his hands on her breasts to help her cover up when she grabbed her hair or had a really nice drink, but that felt like maybe her boyfriend should do. I was getting rock hard for some reason, but I think it was mostly just an effect of seeing her naked.
The conversation was also getting more inappropriate. At one point, while we were all out of the pool, it was obvious that dad’s cock was hard. It was so big that his speedos were not sticking to his thighs. Nicole noticed this and rang her fingers around the speedos, saying, “These are tiny for you, doesn’t that hurt? You can take them off if you want.”
It kind of looked like she was touching the head of his cock, but I didn’t want to think that. Dad looked at me and said something like, “I don’t want to embarrass your boy by pulling out, you know….”
I gave him a look like ‘please no,’ and he smiled and said, “No, I can keep these on for a bit more.”
Out of the blue, she said, “Oh, you are uncut. That’s why you wanted him to get circumcised.”
I wasn’t sure if she was randomly putting two and two together from the story or had just noticed the outline of his big head from rubbing his speedos, but he grabbed it and said something awkward like, “Yeah, all men my generation. Are.”
For some reason, Nicole bit her lip and touched the speedos again for quite some time, saying, “That’s nice.”
In any case, the day was wrapping up after dinner and being at the pool on and off. I thought I was home free around 8 or so, but the final humiliation of that day (or so I thought) was that dad informed us of the sleeping arrangements. For some foolish reason, I thought Nicole and I would be able to sleep together, but he told us that because I’m not allowed to have sex, he wouldn’t let us sleep together, and instead, he planned on him and Nicole sharing a bed. I tried fighting this, but given that earlier, I didn’t want to be naked around her. It just seemed odd.
I asked why he and I couldn’t sleep together, and he gave an answer that made Nicole laugh: “You may like sleeping with other men, but I only share my bed with women.”
He winked at Nicole, and they laughed. I tried protesting, but Nicole said she was fine with it and really wanted to share a bed with dad, so, at some point, I felt so impotent I just started jumping up and down and literally stomping my feet. I admit that was super immature, especially because I was in tight whities that were too big for me, but I felt so powerless I didn’t know what to do.
My stepdad flipped. He grabbed me by the back of (his) underwear and pulled up REALLY hard. Because the undies were still wet and were big on me, they stretched a lot and ripped. The motion lifted me then made me fall on the floor with the underwear almost all destroyed. Immediately I ran upstairs to avoid a spanking, and I went into the bathroom, which was the first room I could see. I was pretty sure my clothes were in my room right next to the bathroom, but I stay in there because A) I didn’t want to take the chance that they would see me and I would be spanked, and B) I didn’t want to be seen in the ripped undies.
I heard Dad say, “It’s time for bed.”
I had a huge sense of relief and just said, “I’m in the bathroom. I’m sorry I was bad, ok? I’ll put myself to bed. Is that ok?”
Daddy and Nicole were making themselves comfortable in dad’s room, so I honestly feel like they were ignoring what I was saying, but I was starting to get really glad that he wasn’t going to punish me more. I was also a bit weirded out because I could hear them giggling and laughing a lot, almost like the way she and I do before we make love. I decided to wait 30 minutes in the bathroom and then go to my room just in case, so I just started at a clock on the wall and waited. (To this point, I had mostly managed to avoid a spanking or beating, so I didn’t want to push my luck.)
About 25 minutes into my waiting, I heard a loud noise. “Where is he?” dad was yelling.
He must have figured out I was in the bathroom because he kicked the door open. I sheepishly asked, “What happened? I’m sorry for the disrespect from earlier. I just wasn’t thinking right because I’m tired.”
Before saying anything, he slapped me in the face (although not very hard). “What is this? I hear that you and Nicole have had sexual relations?”
Fuck. How did he know? She must have told him. But why? I figured that my life was basically over now that my stepdad has found out the level of disrespect I’ve committed, so I started tearing up and thinking of lies, but nothing made sense. She wouldn’t make up that we’ve made love, so I just kept stammering, trying to buy time. He punched me in the stomach so HARD that I fell to the floor and lost my breath. At this point, what was left of his underwear had fallen to the floor. With one hand, he grabbed my hair and pulled me up, and I tried with both of my hands to make him let go, but he was too strong. Then, with this other hand, he slapped me once, twice, three, four, maybe 5-6 times until I broke down and started yelling, “I’m sorry, daddy, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
It occurred to me that if Nicole walked out of dad’s room, she would see all of this, and she certainly could hear it because all the doors were open. He sat on the edge of the bathtub, put me across his lap, and started spanking me. Although he was using force, I was a bit taken aback, but he didn’t seem to be using 100% full force though it was still strong enough that tears rolled down my eyes.
After he was done, he made me stand up, and he pulled out a trimmer. He made me turn to face the mirror and said, “You think you are a man because you have hair? I’ll show you what you really are.”
In a matter of seconds, he trimmed off all my chest hair. That made me so sad. My chest hair was arguably the manliest thing about me. I thought he would be done, but then he did my beard and mustache and just got rid of ALL my facial hair. He kept making comments about how my body and behavior to show me I am not a man, so he was going to show the world and remind me of my status in the hierarchy. I thought he would stop after he was done with my facial hair, but then he trimmed my pubes. He wasn’t cautious, so he cut the skin on my little balls with the trimmer, which made me yell out, but that made him madder.
“I swear to god, if you don’t behave, you will be sorry.”
Honestly, it felt extremely emasculating being trimmed while my girlfriend heard in the other room, but I figured all this hair would regrow anyway, so I shouldn’t worry too much. I was becoming more upset that Nicole didn’t try to defend me and tell him that I should be allowed to have sex. They were getting along so well I’m sure he would listen to her, but I almost felt like I could hear her giggle. I didn’t have much time to wonder whether she was giggling because dad proceeded to take *all* of my hair. All of it. Armpits, legs, arms, my backside. He even did my eyebrows and the head on my hair.
I was in shock that I just stood there crying and saying, “I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again, please, I’m sorry.” I meant to lie to him, of course, but it probably didn’t sound great to say, “I’ll never do *it* again.”
When he was done, I looked in the mirror, and I looked like a sickly little lizard next to a real man. I thought he would bathe me and put me to bed, which he does after heavy punishments, but instead, he started spreading cream all over my body. It was while he was doing that that I noticed my hair wasn’t 100% gone. I still had some little hairs in a bunch of different places. I wanted to ask him what the cream was, but I thought I would only worsen the situation. When he was done rubbing whatever was all over my body, he told me to stand in front of the corner and not touch myself. He threatened me that if I dare disobey him, he would spank me repeatedly and make Nicole record and post it online so everyone could see what a bad little boy I am.
The way that threat was so specific scared me like he never had before so I just cried and repeated, “Please no, I’ll be good, please no, please daddy.”
I didn’t realize that he had left the bathroom already, and I was talking to myself. I stayed facing the corner, crying, snot running down my nose, and I realized I had actually peed a little bit on the floor, so it was all over my legs. A couple of minutes after, dad made me get into the shower and turned it on. This was a new routine. I wasn’t sure what would happen next. He used the showerhead to spray icy cold water all over my body, and then I realized he had put Nair all over my body. Whatever little bits of hair I had were just gone with the last shreds of my manhood.
For some reason, I found the fact that he removed the hair with Nair even more emasculating than the fact that he trimmed my hair because it almost left me smooth like a woman. He left me to dry, which I did even though he didn’t tell me to. I started getting nervous that maybe I shouldn’t have been drying without permission, but he came back and didn’t seem angry about that. He gave a thong, one of the ones he offered earlier, and a type of baby doll/nightdress that I recognized from his old girlfriend.
“You get clothes TODAY because a man, a REAL man, keeps his word. Put this on right now.”
With tears running down my face, I put on the garment as he looked at me with a deep sense of disappointment.
“Now I’m going to have to show Nicole how a REAL man acts, and you are coming along.”
