Mr. Teddy Humper

By Lotsashame.

So I used to go out drinking a lot as a university student. Every week I would get drunk and make out with a different girl. I wasn’t a player or actively trying to be with as many girls as possible it just seemed to always end up that way. I would have been happy to have a regular girlfriend, but I was always far too drunk to remember the girls. I didn’t feel overly great about this, but I told myself the girls were probably in the same position. It was only ever making out nothing past that, so I felt it was harmless.

I learned the hard way this was not the case. I made out with another girl when out at my favorite rock club. Rock clubs were great for meeting Alt girls who were confident and good at making the first move (part of why I felt it wasn’t entirely my fault for making out with so many girls). After making out and dancing together, it was time for a bathroom break. I always chose to use the small bathroom at this club as there is one urinal and toilet stall. This means I don’t have to stand elbow to elbow with drunk people, and as it’s on the second, it doesn’t even see much use.

While I was mid-flow, I felt a grip on my shoulder. This wasn’t entirely strange as it could have been a drunk person or my friends joking around. What happened next was not normal. I felt breathing on my neck, so I was ready to spin around and push the guy back. The instant I was about to turn around, the grip on my shoulder became stronger, and I was pushed into the wall with my penis now against the urinal. I was on my tiptoes, trying to regain my balance and reduce how much of my body was touching the filthy wall and urinal.

My aggression then dipped when I heard a female voice dripping with content in my ear. “Listen, fucker, we need a word, and I don’t feel like being talked back to or talking to a drunken moron who isn’t listening, so I hope this little shock has woken you up!”

I just nodded and grunted. I understood. I didn’t want to open my mouth in the dirty position I was in and also far too in the daze of the surreal situation to be more articulate.

“Good lad. So now you’ll finish your tinkle, turn around, shut up, and listen.” Once again, I replied with a grunt and waited for her to release me. However, she did not release me. I was slowly concluding that she expected me to finish peeing like this.

As this was dawning on me, I heard, “You done yet or what?”

I let out a grunt of NUHUH.

“Why the fuck not? If you want me to let go, that’s not happening. For starters, I think you deserve some discomfort, and second I don’t want you swinging at me and then running for a bouncer.”

I sighed and did as I was told. With both my arms against the wall for balance, I just had to pee as I was. I know some men can pee without holding their penis, but this was challenging for someone who had never done it before under these conditions and with a small dick. I was now semi-thankful. My penis was against the urinal; I could dribble it without getting it on myself. The drawback was that I had to go very slowly to avoid splashback. Going slow and being forced to stop mid-flow when I was desperate was killing me so as the pressure was slowly released, I let out a gradual moan of relief.

“I said finish your piss, not jizz. Is it because a girl finally touched you.”

I rolled my eyes in frustration. She must know that doesn’t help. My back and legs were not in agony from my position, so I no longer cared that my face was against the wall.

I said, “I’m finished.”

I expected a slow, cautious letting go of my shoulder. What I got was another hard shove to the side. I braced myself on the wall to the right of the urinal. As I turned around, I realized why she had done this. She had pushed me to the wall furthest from the door and used the time to position herself between me and the door. In such a small room to get past her and inform, a bouncer met going through her. Her furious facial expression indicated she was willing to support.

If I were to try and force my way through her and someone walked in, it was a guy with a girl fighting in the men’s room, I would be fucked. My new goal was to stand far away from her and get this interaction over quickly. I stood upright and, in an angry tone, spat out, “WELL?”

As she was talking, I got a good look at my bathroom assailant. She was a full hard rock chick. Unlike other girls who stepped their toes in it to varying degrees, she had fully embraced it. Septum ring, snake bites, plugs, split tongue, painted-in tattoos, and shaved short one side of the head. While her outfit was revealing, it was torn and loose, with safety pins in strategic places and a top that only showed enough cleavage to show off her chest tattoos.

“This is the second time you have gotten off with one of my friends. It would be one thing if it was just a drunken fling, but for some fucking reason, they both really liked you, and they are both upset. So simple question, how will you fix it?” she asked.

I felt awful and respected this girl for standing up for her friends. I could summarize that one girl was the one I was just with but the other girl I had no memory of. Honestly, I was even sure of the first girl’s name at the moment, and what I talked about with either girl was a complete mystery. I could have easily promised the world I’d be faithful to them because they were the ones.

I had to shake my head in defeat. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t even remember which friend your talking about.”

She. Was. Livid.

“That is totally fucked up. What is your problem? You mess with two girls, and one of them has to watch you kissing her friend when the week before you were saying you’ll meet up here and you ‘don’t know what do?’” She used air quotes and a mocking tone for that last sentence. “Do you know how stupid Steph feels and how guilty Melanie feels for being a part of it? Maybe you should think hard for their sake before responding with ‘I don’t know how to fix it,’” return of the air quotes and mocking tone.

I nodded resolutely. “You’re right. Let’s go and talk with them, and I’ll explain I’m in the wrong.”

She paused for a split second before saying, “Better idea.”


And many more clicks in rapid succession. In one smooth, flawless motion, she pulled out her phone. She was now holding down the camera button, making the phone take continuous pictures as long as she held the button. Now, many of your readers know what is going on. Many of you may have seen it coming in advance, and I’m pretty sure at one point, it was fear.

So you’re probably asking now, ‘How the hell could you forget?’ which is a great question.

It is also a question I don’t fully have an answer to. Maybe it was the rush to get out of the discomfort I was in, maybe the shover to the side when I was finished, maybe the alcohol or the way she was so passionate when she spoke that it seemed to me she never broke eye contact with me until that moment. Whatever the reason that caused it, it happened. Something I only realized when I tracked where her camera was pointing.

My dick was still out.

I’m not sure how many pictures were taken before I put it away, but it would have been embarrassing. I remember thinking in that instant, ‘HOW?’ as my dick was so cold to the touch, it should have been apparent it was out.

“So the new plan now is my friends will laugh and be thankful they dodged a bullet. Can’t believe you have the guts to do this to girls as if you don’t have a baby dick.”

“I don’t have a baby dick,” I spat back.

“Oh, that touched a nerve!” She clapped her hands in glee. She pouted her face and used her hands to mime a crying motion, “I don’t have a baby dick!” Her face dropped to stone-cold seriousness. “Said the baby dick.”

I was done. I was leaving, but I was moving forward. I was met with a loud stomp, and the ground and the hard rock chick squared up to me. I took a step back instantly.

“Small dick—small dick energy,” she said, wiggling her pinky at me. “I’m going to let you go because I need to show my friends and let karma do its work, but I wanna know one thing first.” Her pinky continued to wiggle and mock me. “Why do you pee at a urinal with that little thing. Shouldn’t you be sitting like a girl and hiding it so people don’t find out?”

I was still furious with her and wasn’t thinking before speaking. “ I use the urinal here because people don’t use this bathroom!”

I knew I had just said something to aid in my humiliation simply from her squeal of glee when I stopped talking.

“Oh my God, so it’s true!” she shouted with glee. “You pee alone so all the boys don’t pick on you for having a little dickie! And you stand at the urinal here to pretend to be a big boy?”

This seemed different from the mocking tone out of spite from before. This seemed to be genuine laughter. She was now dabbing her eyes to protect her heavily made-up face.

“Well, I’m sorry to say, but now both boys and girls will bully you for your little dicklette.” She gave a sideways smirk and crossed her arms. “Can’t say you don’t deserve it.”

“Please,” I begged. “I do feel bad. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

She sighed deeply. “That may be the case, but my friends are hurt, and this is gold to fix it.” She paused and put her hand on her hip. “But I do have a way you can help fix it, and I won’t show anyone.”

I nodded vigorously, desperate to help and not have an entire club know I had a small dick.

She smiled a wicked grin. “So I’m not going to show anyone you are.”

I gasped in confusion. “What?”

“You’re coming with me showing my friends our little photoshoot and apologizing. I’m sure it will mean more coming from you, and with me beside you, they’ll know I’ve put you in your place. Maybe then Steph and Melanie will forgive you.”

“Who?” Not my brightest moment.

Her face flushed fury for a split second before being replaced with a wide smile. This slip-up seemed to have been the final straw, and she was now happy she didn’t need to justify having my permission for anything. She took my hand crushingly and started leading me out of the bathroom.

“Come on, it’s now time to face the piper and follow my every lead, or I swear I’ll go to every person in this club to show off your little soldier and everyone I ever see you talk to from now on.”

I was being led across the dance floor by the hand by this girl who now terrified me. To others is may have not looked out of place, but to me it felt like I was a naughty little boy being dragged across the school playground by the teacher he had a crush on. I was led to the booth where her friends were at one had been crying as her makeup was running and her other friends were trying to console her.

“Hey, girls this is Grant and he’s here to make amends.”

She practically threw me at the booth then stood to my left with her hand on the small of my back to stop me from running.

“I’m so sorry to you both I never meant to hurt you I really wish things hadn’t gone the way had. I should have been more considerate of your feelings,” I said.

I had a vain hope that this would be enough but sadly there was no escape. “When I was giving him a piece of mind, Grant had a great idea to make you feel better, didn’t you?”

As she finished talking she handed me her phone my porno pictures already loaded. I held the screen close to my chest so no one could see. I felt like passing out from nervousness I looked around the booth three girls started back at me confused. I looked back at my tattooed bully and muttered, “There’s an extra girl sitting there.”

Her eyes peered into mine like a snake. “I don’t care if your fucking mother is sitting there.”

I hesitantly handed the phone over to the girl who had been crying who I assumed to be Steph. For some reason this seemed the safest option. She looked at the phone then at me bewildered. Her friend sitting next to her (Melanie?) peeked over her shoulder at the phone and started a slow shocked laugh.

“What the hell is that?” Steph looked at me at amused at all. “Why the hell are you showing me this?”

There third friend feeling out of the loop snatched the phone out of Steph’s hand and began chuckling and scrolling trough the pictures. “You better have a good explanation for this you freak,” she said coldly.

I did not. Luckily or unluckily my new bathroom gal pal began to speak for me. “Well, I began to lay into him in the bathroom and he just broke down. He was so apologetic he said he genuine cares for the women but he’s scared they will leave him so he moves on to the next as soon as he can. When I pressed him about why he gave an honest heartfelt answer in tears that I didn’t expect. What did you say again, sweetie?”

She looked at me with a fake gentle smile. From her prompt I knew exactly what she wanted me to say. I really did want to cry but I felt if I did it would lend more credibility to her fake story and I praying in vain they thought this whole thing was organized by her.

“I said I have a baby dick.”

The involuntary lip quiver at the end didn’t help my case.

The friend snapped her fingers. “YEAH, YOU DO,” not once looking up from the phone she was scrolling.

This out bust led Steph to let out a small giggle. I felt good in weird way that I was part of making her feel less upset, but still wanted to run away.

“Aw, that is kind of sad.” Melanie said looking into my eyes with sympathy.

Damn she was believing the lie. My tormentor spoke once again. “I said that I’ve heard a lot of strange lies from guys to avoid girls, but that one is unique. So he offered to show me.”

Her lies were so much more humiliating that the truth somehow, and although Melanie seem to be buying it I couldn’t gauge whether or not believed it of going along with it to aid in my humiliation. Either way the other two were finding this more and more funny.

“I said to him, you don’t have to prove it to me but them. Would you like to help me do that?” She really was speaking like my teacher now. “He was so happy I was so kind to him that he whipped his little man clit right out!”

Steph and the third girl were laughing at the story and my beat red face. Melanie seemed to be enthralled as if she were being read a bedtime story. The third girl still scrolling through the pictures chimed in, “Why so many pictures. though?”

My she-devil friend was delighted to respond to this. “Well that’s the cute thing after the first picture someone seemed to have got a confidence boost. He was so excited to take the perfect picture he just kept asking me to take more. I couldn’t say no to his excitement! On reflection, is this because it was the first time a girl has seen your little dickie bird, Grant?”

I knew I was expected to respond. “Yes it was.”

“Well that explains it. You were lucky I was the first to see it and was so kind and understanding, unlike Holly.” She snatched the phone from the third girl and handed it back to Steph. “It’s up to Steph and Mel to forgive him. Oh, but please gentle with him he’s sensitive.”

This girl was pure evil. Steph looked up at me smiling, the only evidence remaining that she was crying was he makeup.

“So the reason you do all this is because your self-conscious about your dick size?”

“Yes,” my response was short and quick, not correct though as gentle slap on my backside encourage me to say more. “I’m terrified girls will find out I have a baby dick so I move on as fast as I can.”

I said baby dick. Why did I say that? I was in such rush to finish each interaction I wasn’t truly understanding how humiliating what I was saying was until I said it. As Steph looked back at the photo she gasped and placed a finger and thumb on the screen as if she was zooming in.

“A better question! Did you cum while Stacey was taking pictures of this little thing?”

Stacey the name of the devil. Steph then showed me what she had zoomed in on, my shriveled dick with a little thin line of liquid dripping out of the tip. I hadn’t had a chance to shake after finishing. Even though I knew what this was but didn’t know which was worse, I looked at Stacey in thought. Big mistake. She grabbed this pause as a chance to take the lead

“Aw, bless him. Best tell them the truth, they won’t think any less of you,” Stacy said.

I had no idea what to say.

Stacey did. “Oh, no! He’s far too shy. Keep this between us girls but he did get too excited during the photos. I did help clean the mess, but he came again when I touched him. Makes sense now. First time it was touched?”

She looked back at me, and I just nodded in agreement. This lie was egregious I went through all that humiliation and my dick wasn’t even touched. Holly took the phone to get a look at the fictional premature ejaculation.

“Impressive you came twice while flaccid,” she giggled.

I was ready to defend myself, but Stacey beat me to it.

“I found that fascinating too but according to Grant, he never gets hard and always cums flaccid. It’s a symptom of his dick not growing properly in puberty.”

“Then how do you masturbate?” Melanie asked with genuine curiosity.

This question made Stacey’s face light up with glee as if she’d seen a beautiful Christmas tree for the first time.

“That is a great question! How do you? If you don’t mind us asking,” Stacey said.

I did. But a response was compulsory. The question stumped me at the time, how do you cum when you’re not hard? There was no help from Stacey I was on my own. I had two answers that I managed to think of. The first was just how I actually masturbated, with a finger and a thumb, but I had no idea if that was possible if I was soft. Fearing that answer would get me in trouble with Stacey I gave my second answer. The one I knew was possible flaccid as I had done it when I discovered masturbation and done it up until I figured out I could use my hand and not smother my penis, so it has chance to get hard.

“I hump my teddy bear,” I said.

The roars of laughter came from all four girls and bellowed over the music. Steph was giving me a hard pat on the back as if to say well done while laughing. I was now shushing them in desperation.

Between gasps of laughter Steph asks, “Do you think it can feel it?”

Even Melanie who had given me some pity was laughing in tear. “I’m glad you found a way to cum, but would you like to upgrade to my sailor moon plushies at least? I’d be happy I found you a girlfriend.”

Stacey managed to calm herself. “Okay now let’s take it easy, Grant has been open and honest with us. So do we forgive him?”

Steph and Melanie carried the biggest weight in this answer.

“Seems mean not to, he has enough on his plate,” Steph said.

“If Steph forgives you then its fine,” Holly contributed.

I waited with bated breath my suffering was almost over.

“I’ll forgive you on one condition,” Melanie said.


“You have to thank Stacey for helping you come out of your shell and embrace being honesty about having a tiny penis, thank her helping you show the people you wronged and thank her for cleaning up your mess when you couldn’t control yourself,” Melanie said and cocked her head the side and gave a dark smile.

Yeah, she knew what was going on and could even be eviler than Stacey.

I turned to my personal Satan swallowed hard and said goodbye to the last part of my dignity.

“Thank you, Stacey, for showing me a small dick is not something I should hide but something I should share with the girls I like so I don’t treat them badly. Thank you for helping me show your friends my little dick for forgiveness and thank you for cleaning me and my baby dick when I couldn’t contain my excitement.”

I had given up trying to make what I said less humiliating or maybe deep down I had given in to the fact Stacey wanted the most humiliating response. Stacey pinched my cheek with a smile

“You are very welcome my little dick friend. You can always come to aunty Stacey to give you sport about your tiny winky.”

Her fingers and thumb that were pinching my face were moved to make a pinching sing to mock me. This was met with another round of laughter.

Stacey then said, “Now all cards are on the table, and everyone is forgiven. Shall we see if fear of revealing your tiny willy was justified? Girls, knowing everything would you date Grant?”

Without skipping a beat Holly blurted out, “I’d rather fuck his teddy.”

More waves of laughter. Stacey looked to Melanie.

“I’m sorry, honey, but no,” Melanie said. “You are cute, and you were charming but now I think we should just be friends. Oh, and I do mean that I have lots of questions about your winky and do want to give you my plushie.”

Finally Steph, I was defeated, tired, humiliated and slowly becoming hungover. She could have spat in my face and kicked me in the nuts as long as it ended.

“I honestly still want to date you,” Steph said.

That took me back more than anything hurtful she could have said. She smiled lovingly at me, and I stared back in appreciation. Steph wanted to date the premature ejaculating, tiny limp dicked teddy humping loser that had been dragged over by a woman that scared him. There had to be a catch.

Steph then said, “But I get to sleep with other people!”

There it was. This jab was followed by high fives all round.

“It’s only fair. He’s fucking other plushies!”

I was hoping amid the laughter I could slink away and go home until I was stopped by Steph. “Whoa there! Stacey didn’t say whether or not she would date you.”

What was the point? Clearly just a no at best.

Stacey shrugged. “I think Steph gave you the best deal to be honest, I wouldn’t walk away from that one.”

She did make a fair point.

“Would you be even interested in dating me, Grant?” Stacey asked.

‘Yes,’ my brain lashed out, but I had to be logical this girl just ruined my night with so much humiliation. That yes was just my physical attraction to her. And why would I give her the joy of saying yes? This all wasn’t leading to a good place. Despite this, I was reaching for any win. I answered with “Yes” coming truly from a place I didn’t understand at the time.

“Oh really! Think that says a lot about you Mr. teddy humper.” Stacey winked and gave me a hard slap on the rear. “Well, you will only get my answer at the end of the night. We’ve wasted too much time on chat and not enough on dancing and getting pissed. If you stay and buy the drinks you can have my answer, and you have the chance of being Steph’s cuck.”

I really wanted to go, but I didn’t. I stayed.

I know now why but at that moment I said yes I had no clue. It did become clear over time. On that night we got drunk and talked about life. We danced Holly even requested ‘Short Dick Man’ from the DJ and I was wasted enough to not take myself seriously and join in the fun with the girl flashing pinkies and pinching signs at me.

We shared a taxi ride home with Melanie asking the driver to wait while she grabbed something from her house. She rushed back out tossed her Sailor moon plushie at me and said, “Be gentle, she’s a virgin.”

I’m sure that confused the driver. After the night was truly over and I was at home, I understood. I enjoyed it not only when I let go to have fun but the humiliation itself. It was now testing time, I grabbed my new girlfriend and went upstairs. While I was humping, I suddenly realized they all knew what I was doing right now. That conjured all the flashbacks of them calling me small and laughing at me for being a premature ejaculator and threating to cuck me.

I was so hard and horny I came harder than I ever had before.


The End.



*This story has been edited to fix spelling, formatting errors, punctuation, & basic grammar, but the narrative and plot have remained the same. Even with the limited editing done here, it doesn’t always mean a story’s narrative/plot flaws are fixed (That’s the author’s job). The opinions/views expressed in this story (and in any comments) are those of the author and do not represent this site. We support freedom of speech. This story has been previously published on other free sites and is now public domain, which is why we can publish it here.

One comment

  • jufreyghost

    Wow, great stuff! I particularly loved the hot hard rock chick and her femdom-attitude. Damn, I guess she’s a tough girl!
    Story would have even been hotter if she’d been a bit more aggressive like slapping him hard in the face or putting him down with her strong arms.
    Maybe next time? I imagine her forcing tiny dicked loser to fuck his new teddy-“girlfriend” in front of the other girls with all of them filming his ordeal. Just an idea… 😉


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