Back in college, I had an acquaintance named Joey. He was a friend of a friend, so he’d always end up wherever I was, despite how much I couldn’t stand him. Everyone knew he was gay except him; he was just so far in the closet he could find Christmas presents.

Joey was about 5’6”, 105 lbs or so, and was pale with curly black hair and a patchy, scraggly beard. He had an ugly face, and I had never seen him successfully hook up with anyone. Instead, he would hit on girls all the time and simply fail with terrible machismo. He’d brag to me and the other guys about his ‘monster cock,’ and how many girls he’s fucked. It was so transparent; I don’t think anyone ever believed a word he said. But every now and then, he’d slip up and say things like, “If I were gay, you’d be my type,” and, “I’d never suck a cock, but yours might be different.”

He was annoying, and I never went out of my way to hang out with him.

One Saturday night during our junior year, I was home from the bars around 2 AM and horny enough to mess around online. I got a, ‘hey,’ message from a blank profile, so I figured it was probably spam or a catfish and ignored it at first while checking out other prospects. However, I kept getting messages from this blank profile, so I opened the chat, and it was a face pic and some underwear pictures of Joey with about seven or eight texts. He said he’s not Gay and was just checking out what online dating was like. Probably because I’d mentioned it earlier in the night, and I was about to block him immediately. I absolutely didn’t want to deal with his shit, but curiosity got the best of me. He exuded this small dick energy, so I decided to see if my inklings were correct.

‘You got dick pics?’ I sent in my first message.

‘I don’t send dick pics,’ was his reply.

For someone just checking out what online dating was like, that seemed like an experienced thing to say to avoid collectors, or maybe, I thought, he just knew no one would want to see his little dick. I kept pressing.

‘Why not? Embarrassed?’

‘LOL, no not at all, I just don’t,’ he sent back.

We lived in the same apartment building, so I figured if I couldn’t see a picture, I might as well invite him over, confirm my tiny dick theory, and get head, then hopefully he’d be too awkward to ever talk to me again.

I tell him to come downstairs, and Joey’s managed to get down seven flights in about thirty seconds. When I opened the door, I could see a tiny tent in his khaki shorts. He had untucked his blue flannel shirt in a way that made it look like he was trying to hide it. I thought that was kind of cute and very indicative of my small penis theory.

I went right for it and asked, “How small is your little dick really?”

Joey looked surprised but horny, so he grunted out, “It’s tiny!”

I was surprised at how quick Joey was to admit what everyone thought since he’d spent so much time lying about it.

“Didn’t you say you have a monster cock?” I asked.

“I wanted to impress the girls—uh, I wanted to sound—uh, I was just joking.”

I closed the door and said, “Show me your tiny dick,” and he immediately dropped his shorts and revealed what I’d believed at the time to be the world’s smallest boner.

I’m small myself, at about four inches hard, but Joey was realistically two inches long and thinner than my finger, pointing straight up at the ceiling. His balls, shaved hairless were somehow enormous in comparison. Maybe it was the stark contrast, but they were definitely bigger than mine were, and looked like they hung longer than his penis. It looked like you could wrap his scrotum completely around his erect little dick, which was now leaking precum and not quite ‘throbbing’ with excitement, more just bouncing up against his body.

I laughed and said, “It’s cute. Has anyone ever touched it?”

“No, never,” Joey said.

“But what about all the girls you’ve fucked with your ‘monster cock?’”

Joey looked like he was really beginning to know his place, and he sheepishly said, “I was joking, I told you.”

“Are you gonna cum as soon as I touch your tiny dick?”

“No, just please touch it. I’m so horny right now,” Joey begged.

I grabbed his little golf pencil with two fingers while we’re still standing in the entry to my apartment. He was dripping precum at this point, so I used it to lube my fingers and ran it down the length of his shaft.

Joey twitched and quickly dropped to his knees while reaching for my belt and said, “Let me blow you.”

I pushed his hand off and said, “No, I wanna see how quick your little dick can cum.”

While I reached to the floor for his dick again, Joey leaned back on his knees against the wall with his khakis still at his ankles. Before I could touch it, he started moaning.

“Ugh, oh god,” Joey whimpered as he covered his flannel in a line of cum that went up to his chest with his first shot.

His second made it up to about his belly button, and a third just poured out and down the two-inch length of his minuscule shaft.

“Wow, that’s cute. How was your first handjob?” I asked.

He was beet red and said, “I’m sorry, that usually doesn’t happen!”

I laughed and said, “What do you mean, ‘usually’?”

The End.