I became single last year, so this year I’ve been getting back into the dating and hookup scene. I downloaded an app called HUD, which I’d heard was good for hookups. I met up with a girl named Jenna. We agreed to meet up at a coffee shop just to vet each other out first. We got to know each other and hit it off.

When we got to talking about sex and our tastes, she made a casual offhand remark about dick size: “I’m not like a size queen or anything as long as your dick isn’t super small, it’s gonna be fine.”

I was torn about whether to say anything. It seemed like she was ready to gloss over the topic, but since I’m on the smaller side and have had women decline sex after seeing my dick, I figured I should ask her to clarify.

“What do you mean by super small?” I asked.

“Oh, just like a lot smaller than the guys I usually sleep with,” she replied.

I was somewhat hopeful by her use of the phrase ‘a lot smaller’ that I’d cut. But I didn’t want to put her in a position where she’d have to back out of the bedroom.

“Can you give like, a measurement?” I asked, officially forcing the issue.

“Um, I don’t know, I’ve never measured actually. As I said, it’s not something I think a lot about.”

“Oh, OK,” I said, wondering why she’d bring it up if she didn’t think about it.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before Jenna said, “Are you like, worried you won’t be big enough for me?”

“I mean, I’d just like you to know you’re gonna be OK with whatever you get in the bedroom,” was a probably unsuccessful attempt by me to dodge the question. ‘

“If you want me to check, you can just send me a picture of it,” she suggested.

“Oh, I don’t really take pictures of my dick, just as a policy, sorry,” I shot back.

Another awkward silence for a few seconds. She looks around the coffee shop, leans in to me, and says in a low voice, “OK, why don’t you show me in the bathroom? I’ll go in first and lock the door. You wait three minutes and knock three times, and I’ll let you in.”

I was caught off guard at the change in her demeanor. I nodded to let her know I knew the plan, then she grabbed her purse, stood, and walked into one of the unisex bathrooms. I waited what felt like the longest three minutes of my life before walking to the bathroom. I immediately try the knob, but it’s locked. I remember I’m supposed to knock three times, then the knob turns, and the door opens, and I walk in.

Jenna closes and locks the door behind me immediately. She folds her arms and looks at me expectingly. “OK, let’s make this quick. Let’s see what you got!” she said.

With butterflies in my stomach, I hastily unbuckle my belt. I can already feel myself at a full mast erection. I unbutton my jeans and pull them down to my ankles. Already pitching a tent, I pull my boxers down to my knees as well. I lift my shirt to give Jenna a clear view of my erect penis in its full glory. Her eyebrows jump up in response.

“Ohh, OK. I see what you mean now…”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Like this would definitely be smaller than the guys I hook up with.” She delivered the devastating remark point-blank.

“Oh, OK, but it’s still big enough to work with, right?” I asked, hopeful.

Now obviously I have a SPH kink since I’m here. But when I’m trying to get with a woman, I put it on the shelf and try to do some good PR for my little guy.

“I mean, it’s only like half an inch below average, I think?” I reasoned.

“Um, is it though? What’s the average?” She doesn’t wait for my response; instead, she pulls out her phone and searches online. “Five and a half to six inches long is average.”

Dammit, I could’ve sworn it was like 5.2 inches. (Webmaster note: He’s right, it is 5.2 inches)

“How long is yours?” Jenna suddenly asked.

I’m put on the spot. I don’t want to lie and say it’s bigger than it is, but the truth is, it seems to vary by as much as half an inch.

“Uh, I don’t know, I don’t really measure.”

She starts digging through her purse. “One sec, I think I have a cloth measure in here.”

Crap. I was about to be exposed. She clearly didn’t have a good sense of what an inch looked like, but she was about to find out. She pulls out the tape measure and then gets down on her knees, ready to measure my modestly sized dick. She stretches out the measurer and says

“Looks like 4 inches long exactly.”

“Exactly?” I say.

I look down, and while she’s not pressing up against my pelvic bone, the measure just barely hits the four-inch mark.

“Yup, so almost two whole inches below the average,” Jenna declared.

“Maybe that’s not right, because when my ex-girlfriend measured it two years ago, she said it was four and a half inches…”

She was still holding the tape measure next to my dick. She shrugged. “I’m not lying, that’s just what the tape measure says.”

I looked back down, and she was right; there was no arguing with the tape measure.

“Maybe she was trying not to hurt your feelings. Or maybe it shrank since then,” Jenna offered.

God, I hoped not.

“Judging by this measure, I’d say most of my hookups are slightly above average, like in the six to seven inch range,” she told me.

That hurt to hear. Her average hookup partner is more than two inches taller than I am. I tried to minimize the impact of this fact.

“Oh, wow, OK. So, um, is this gonna be okay with you?” I nervously asked.

She stood (for some reason, I kept my dick completely out) and said, “Um, so, the only problem is that I do kind of need a certain length just to feel everything and to enjoy myself. I realize what I said earlier, but I didn’t know at the time that you were so much smaller than the other guys I sleep up with, and I think I’m kind of used to it at this point.”

This hurt to hear, but I don’t want to press the issue and make her uncomfortable, and I start to put my dick away.

But she continued: “It’s like I don’t want to go through the whole trouble if I know I’m not gonna be able to have a good time because I’m not feeling anything, like it isn’t personal.”

“It’s OK. I understand,” I said.

“Thanks, it was nice meeting you, though! I hope you can find someone you’re compatible with. I’ll head back to the table first, you should wait a minute or two,” Jenna said, and left me alone in the bathroom.

I paid for our coffees, and then we left the restaurant and went our separate ways.

She wasn’t super mean about the whole thing, but she did unmatch me on the HUD app.

Good to be back in the hookup scene. 😂

 

The End.

 

 

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