My freshman year of college was supposed to be a new start for me. So I chose the furthest university that would accept me and planned to leave my past life for good. For a bit, everything seemed like it would turn out great, but even when it seems everything changes, some things will always stay the same.

I’ve always been rather small, hitting puberty much later than any of my peers and even then, not experiencing much of a growth spurt. I reached 5’3″ before my doctor told me I was just about done growing, and whereas all my peers had their voices deepen and their body hair thickens, I was left with a rather high-pitched trill and little hair beyond pubic hair, which I always kept trimmed or shaved.

I kept myself in shape, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never develop any noticeable muscle, leaving me thin and soft. Needless to say, I was never exactly popular with the girls, and I was an easy target for any of the guys who felt the need to flex their masculinity a bit and pick on the wimpy kid. I was mostly able to grin and bear it, but one incident in my senior year of high school made me realize I had to get as far away as possible.

As you might expect from somebody who looks like me, I’m not exactly very well-endowed. At my absolute hardest, I only measure somewhere around three and a half inches, and unfortunately, I would say I’m a bit of a grower, so in my flaccid state, my penis is barely a nub. I had always done my best to hide this fact, thinking it best to keep at least any hint of masculinity that I might have had, which made the gym showers quite difficult to navigate. I usually got away with going in after everyone else by wasting time helping the coach pick up after class, which also earned me a few brownie points with him and put me on his good side. Fortunately, I managed to keep this up until near the end of my senior year.

However, one day I casually mentioned an exam that I had in my next class, and he insisted I hit the showers and get there as quickly as I could. Despite my protests, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I sulked to the locker room, dreading what was about to happen. Finally, I got to my locker, luckily tucked away in a corner out of sight of the showerheads, and quickly stripped down to a towel. I was hoping to wait it out a little longer in my corner, praying nobody would notice me, but one of my more athletic peers soon turned the corner and saw me lurking.

“Woohoo, it looks like Alex is actually gonna be joining us in the showers today! Come on, little man, you can’t just stand there all day!” His voice was boisterous, ensuring everyone else in the locker room knew I was there. I reluctantly followed him, deciding it would just be easier to face a wall in the shower rather than try to explain why I was hiding. He walked behind me, firmly pushing me towards the shower heads where everyone was waiting. When I turned the corner, I paused, unable to believe what I was seeing.

A consequence of me always avoiding the showers was that I had never seen any of my peers nude, only ever seeing another penis in porn. A part of my mind had convinced myself that I might not have been that small and that the ones I would see in porn are simply exceptions, but what I saw before me quickly dashed that illusion. Even the smallest among them was easily three or four times my size, and some of the larger ones seemed utterly absurd to me. I had never thought about men before, and even then, I didn’t sexually see them, but I simply couldn’t pull my eyes away from their penises. Finally, in my stupor, I felt a hand tug the towel around my waist. “No towels in the showers, bud, you know the rules.” The boy’s hand behind me pulled my towel away, leaving me standing nude in front of everyone.

At first, there was a silence that seemed to drag for minutes, though I suspect it was only a few seconds. Before long, I began to hear laughter, subdued chuckles at first, but when my usher passed, he unabashedly spoke, “whoa, I guess you really are a little man after all!” This broke the seal, and suddenly everyone was outright laughing. Even those who had always been nice to me struggled to stifle their laughter. I felt my face turn beet red, and I quickly grabbed my towel from the ground and ran back to my locker. The nickname “little man” suddenly had a new meaning after that day.

*****

As I said, though, this year would be different. Nobody I knew from high school went to this university, which made sense based on the exorbitant price they were charging for out of state. Fortunately, my parents were extremely generous with my college fund to pay the tuition with only some relatively minor student loans. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt confident and optimistic, and I went into orientation with an entirely new outlook on life. My mood was only made better when I was informed that my expected roommate had suddenly declined his admission, leaving me with a double room entirely to myself, at least for my first semester. A small part of me thought this would be a godsend for picking up girls, but I didn’t want to get too overconfident and quickly pushed that thought aside.

The rest of the orientation day seemed to drag on, but I wasn’t about to let anything sour my mood. Everybody seemed friendly, and not once did I get any diminutive comments, something I wasn’t used to yet. During one of the lectures about alcohol awareness or something or other, I found my mind drifting, absentmindedly doodling in my notebook, which was entirely devoid of notes. The guy sitting next to me, Sam, took notice and started talking to me about what I was drawing, and I soon found myself explaining to him all the random characters and stories I had come up with in my mind. As I spoke in hushed tones, trying not to alert the lecturer, he just listened with a genuine interest that I had not received from many people before. As we talked, I found out that he would be living on the same floor as me, only a few rooms down. The lecture ended, and we parted ways as his schedule lead him somewhere else, but he let me know we would catch up later. I had made my first friend so easily. Things really were going to be different this year.

However, when I was finally escorted to my dorm, I finally had something to pull me down from my high. The RA lead me to my room, the bags that I had left in the lobby earlier already sitting on the bed, and then gave me a brief tour of the building. There was a common area, the lobby, a few small classrooms in the basement, and finally, as he led me back to my room, he stopped to show me the bathroom. The door opened to a standard-looking public restroom, with a row of stalls and a corresponding sink in front of each. However, directly to the right of the door was a cheap plastic curtain, which, when pushed aside, made my heart sink.

Along the walls were a row of communal showerheads, almost identical to those in my high school locker room. I asked the RA if there were private showers anyway, but he just gave a rehearsed wince and let me know this was it. “Don’t worry, though!” he said in an artificially cheerful tone. “Everyone usually gets used to it in a few days and then doesn’t mind at all!” I feigned acceptance of his reassurance, but the only thing running through my mind were the flashbacks of that day in the showers.

*****

The first week of classes went by better than I could have imagined. I enjoyed most of the courses I was taking, save for the science lab I had to take as a gen-ed, and all the professors seemed great. I still hadn’t decided on a major, but after just a week of taking an art elective, I was already leaning in that direction. After classes, I usually met up with a couple of the guys from my floor and a few girls from the floor below and had dinner in the dining hall. Nobody had known each other for long at that point, so many conversations mostly ended up as small talk, but it was still fun to have people to talk to during dinner.

That being said, I hit it off right away with Sam, the guy I had met during orientation, and I already knew I had found my best friend. I would talk to him about my art and writing ideas, drawing up characters while watching intently. He played on the school’s tennis team, getting recruited on a scholarship, and he would always talk about practice, constantly trying to explain to me the scoring system that I could never seem to grasp. We seemed to have almost the same sense of humor, which made conversation easier despite our different interests. Sam was a pretty big guy, easily 6’2,” and he kept himself fit for his athletics. I know it made me look even smaller in comparison to when we hung out. Still, I was secretly happy to be friends with somebody like him, thinking he might provide me some sort of protection from anybody looking for somebody smaller to pick on.

Even dorm life seemed to be going smoothly, for the most part. There were a couple of guys I didn’t think I would get along with, but they seemed to form their own little clique pretty quickly, which prevented too much crossover with the people I was trying to hang out with. The RA would always set up game nights as a way for people to get to know each other, and while expected most people to scoff at the idea, everyone seemed very open to it. My sleep schedule got a little skewed, but that was mostly because of my shower schedule.

I knew I couldn’t just avoid taking a shower altogether, so I decided I would just take one late every night after I assumed most people would be in bed, or at least not about to shower. Living in my room alone made this even easier, as I didn’t have to worry about disturbing anybody late at night. I easily got used to this schedule, taking naps during the day if I felt overly tired, and I even began to enjoy my late-night private showers. Something was freeing about having an entire communal shower to myself in a way that I never quite experienced in the gym locker room. Whereas then I would always have to rush to get to class, in the dorm showers, I could take my time and have an actually relaxing shower.

This routine continued without a hitch until the second Saturday of the school year. I suppose during the first weekend, people weren’t quite ready to start partying yet, but by the second weekend, everyone must have decided to let loose a little. Even I had gone to a small dorm party that Sam had heard about the night before, something I didn’t have much, or any, experience with from high school.

On Saturday, though, I decided to have an early night as the next day I would be meeting my parents who were making the trip in to drop off some things I had forgotten at home. So I went for my shower around 2:30, a little early for me, but I thought it would be late enough. However, shortly after I started my shower, I heard the bathroom door open, and quickly the thin plastic curtain was thrown open. Into the room stepped three of the guys I hadn’t spoken to much, clearly drunk from a party they must have come from, stumbling and laughing as they entered. They all wore towels, their hair visibly wet, and the smell of beer permeating the air. They didn’t seem to notice me at first.

As soon as they entered, I quickly turned to face the corner, trying to hide my front as best I could. Unfortunately, my towel was hanging on a hook by the curtain, so I couldn’t easily cover myself without making it obvious I was hiding. I figured they were distracted enough, though, and tried to just sneak away without them noticing. However, my sudden motion must have drawn their attention, and the one who seemed to lead the other two looked at me, startled.

“What the fuck? You scared the shit out of me, dude! I didn’t even see you standing there! So what are you doing here so late? Were you at the rush, too?” He started to walk towards me as he spoke.

“N…no, I just got caught up with some work and lost track of time. Taking a shower before bed.” I awkwardly faced the wall as I talked to him over my shoulder.

“You’re doing work on a Saturday? Fuuuuuck that!” His friends laughed at his comment. “Your name was, uh, Andrew, right? No, Alex! That was it. I don’t think we’ve gotten to know each other. So why the fuck are you looking away like that? Don’t be shy, dude. You’re gonna have to get used to other guys seeing you sooner or later.” With that, he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, easily manipulating my small frame. We both seemed to have the same reaction when I fully turned, our heads looking down to the other’s crotch. I saw just enough to know that he too was far larger than me, as I could have expected. My hands shot down to my crotch, but not fast enough to prevent him from getting a look.

“Oh shit, now I see why you were shy. That thing is tiny! Guys, you gotta come to check this out,” he said, reaching his hands out and grabbing my wrists, pulling them away from my crotch. He laughed aloud when he got another look. His two friends stumbled over, seemingly overly eager to get a look at what was so funny. As soon as they got to either side of him, finally revealing my body before them, they both keeled over laughing. I struggled against his grip, hoping to break free and make a run for my towel, but he was much stronger than I was. I locked my eyes shut, hoping that would somehow take me out of this moment, but it did nothing to block out their laughter.

“Listen, man, I’m sorry, but that’s just the smallest dick I’ve ever seen. Like we’ve been giving Josh some shit because we thought he was small, but he’s like a monster compared to you! Open your eyes, look.” I don’t know why, but I listened to him and opened my eyes. Maybe I thought that if I listened, I could just get this over with. He gestured to the guy on his left, presumably Josh, who was grabbing the base of his dick and twirling it around, making strange grunting noises as he did so. Apparently, this display was amusing for the trio, as it got them laughing once again. In the midst of their laughing fit, the shower curtain flung open.

Standing at the entrance in lounge pants, slippers, and no shirt, was Sam, his toiletries in hand. He must have heard the commotion as he was coming to get ready for bed. The sudden sound stopped the laughter of my three assailants, and they all looked to see who it was. My hands were still held in place above my head.

“Holy shit, Randy, let him go! What the fuck are you doing!?” Sam dropped what he was holding and rushed towards us. From his angle, I knew he had a clear view of me. I know he saw me. I know he saw all of me. The guy holding my hands, who I assume was Randy, let me go, stepping away as Sam came upon him. I didn’t hesitate a moment and immediately ran for the door, grabbing my towel on the way and quickly wrapping it around my waist. “Wait, no, Alex, wait for a second!” I heard Sam call as I ran down the hall and into my room, locking the door behind me.

Everything seemed to have come crashing down around me. I was so optimistic, I thought things were actually going to be different now, but I was just stupid and naïve. I almost didn’t mind Randy and his goons seeing me, I dealt with bullies before, and maybe I would have been able to do it again. Maybe it would have just been a one-time thing that started a few rumors, but nothing more. But it wasn’t just Randy and them who saw me. Sam saw me. What would he think of me now? Seeing me like that, pinned up against the wall, totally nude and helpless, my penis fully on display. I was pathetic! I knew he would be just like the others from before. He wouldn’t be able to respect me as a friend. I would just be a joke to him. As my mind raced, I heard a knock on my door.

“Hey Alex, are you in there? Can we talk for a minute?” I heard Sam’s voice through the door. There was no way I could open it; I knew he was just there to mock me. So I just crawled into my bed and tried to pretend to be asleep. I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. I tried to stifle my cries so he wouldn’t hear me—another knock.

“Well, we’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I already talked to Randy and them. Hopefully, they won’t bother you anymore, but please let me know if they do. I won’t tell the RA yet. I’ll let you decide that. So, goodnight. Please talk to me tomorrow.” I heard his footsteps fade down the hall. Once I heard the door close, knowing he was in his room, I began to sob openly. I don’t remember when I got to sleep that night, if I even did at all.

*****

The next week or two felt like navigating a minefield. I never ended up talking to Sam afterward; in fact, I tried my best to avoid him like the plague. I just couldn’t bring myself to face him, almost as if I didn’t hear what he had to say. I can live in a world like before he saw me. That didn’t stop him from trying, though, knocking on my door every night after I had locked myself away, trying to get my attention.

I started to shut out most of the people I had met since I got to the dorm. A few would greet me in the halls and try to start a conversation as I tried to sneak back to my room unnoticed, but I did my best to look busy and shut down any sort of chat. I figured they all already knew what happened. Unfortunately, Randy didn’t seem like the type to keep his mouth shut. Honestly, I don’t think I cared as much as I thought I would. I had gotten so used to trying to avoid attention before that I simply fell back into the routine, not caring about those around me yet still a slave to what they thought of me. I found that the only real challenge was trying to ignore Sam’s knocks every night.

My social life wasn’t the only thing that started to suffer. Needless to say, I became warier of the showers after what happened, and so I risked taking one only about every other day. I took them even later at night, too, even further ruining my sleep schedule. It wasn’t far into the semester, but I could already tell my grades were slipping due to my lack of sleep. I figured as long as I could maintain passing grades and keep slipping under the radar, I would be able to make it through just fine. After a while, I almost felt like I settled into the low I had found myself, feeling uncomfortably comfortable with this new norm.

That is until I came back to my dorm one day to find an opaque plastic bag hanging on my door handle. I grabbed the bag as I entered the room and gently tossed it on my bed as I turned to lock the door. I looked inside, expecting some sort of foul garbage as a prank, but was met with something even worse. I pulled out a slip of paper, haphazardly torn from a notebook, signed by Randy.

“Hey there, little fella, long time no see! Have you been avoiding me? Well, to make it up for you, here’s a little gift. Some girl left it in my room, but I honestly can’t even remember who to return it. So I figured it would look good on somebody like you. After all, you’re gonna have to get used to wearing stuff like this when you finally accept your place. You’ll have to give the boys and me a little fashion show sometime.”

My hands started to shake as I read the letter. I had managed to avoid Randy since it happened entirely, but it seemed like he hadn’t forgotten me. I let the note fall to the floor and gingerly reached into the bag, my fingers being met with the feeling of silk. I grabbed hold of the fabric, pulling it out to reveal a long, black, thigh-high silk sock, followed by another that I grabbed after. I kept exploring the bag’s contents, next to finding a lacey black bra clearly designed for somebody with a small chest. I could feel my face turn bright red despite being alone in my room, and I reached for the final item: black lace panties with a small slit at the crotch.

I was furious. I gathered up all the pieces of the set and threw them against the wall, just to get them out of my sight, allowing them to fall behind my bed frame. I don’t know why I thought anything would have gotten better, why I thought I could just live with this. I realized that this relentless taunting, the emasculation, it wasn’t just something I would be able to run away from. It was just a reality of who I am. No matter how hard I try to make friends, get people to look past the outside, it wouldn’t matter. As soon as they saw me, I was just another joke to them. I heard a knock at the door.

I flung the door open, knowing it was Sam. At that moment, I couldn’t bear to hear him knocking, calling through the door, wasting his time on me. Tears streaming down my face, I snapped at him.

“Leave me the fuck alone! Can’t you tell I don’t want to talk to you? Stop knocking every goddamn night! I…I just…just go bother somebody else.” I felt my voice crack, stopping me from going any further. He stared at me, unable to speak, so I broke the silence for him. “Just fucking leave!” I slammed the door in his face.

I stood there with my back to the door for what felt like an eternity. I had just sealed off any glimmer of hope I might have had for regular college life, the one person who might have been a friend enough to help me along. I just shut the door on him. Eventually, I heard footsteps as he began to walk away, and when I heard his door click shut down the hall, I dropped to the floor, crying more than I ever had before.

*****

I skipped classes in the next couple of days. Fortunately, I had enough supplies stockpiled in my room in the form of junk food to allow me to get away with not having to leave my room at all. The nightly knocking stopped, and instead, my evenings were filled with the sounds of whatever nonsense I could find online to distract me from the world around me. After about four days, the RA decided to get involved, noticing my absence around the dorm. I let him in one night talking, figuring it easier to go along with it than argue with authority. I feigned understanding as he had a talk with me about the importance of attending classes, eating well, and hygiene. I promised him I would go to class again on Monday, and he seemed happy that he broke through. But, the promise felt so empty, passing through my lips.

Still, I decided I would need to go to class again. Not to fulfill my promise or further engage in my studies, but just to take attention off myself. The longer I stayed in my room, the more likely the RA was to get more people involved, so I figured I would just grin and bear it, going to class and immediately back to my room. However, the little shreds of self-respect I had left made me feel obliged actually to make myself presentable, at least somewhat, so on Sunday night, I took a trip to the showers.

Everything seemed to be going well at first. I managed to clean myself off in privacy, taking a rather prolonged shower to cut through the grime of the past week or so. When I felt sufficiently clean, I grabbed the towel and began to dry off, and that is when I heard the door open. The curtain flew open, and standing before me was Randy dressed in his pajamas.

“Little man, there you are! I thought I heard the showers running, and who else would have been in here at 4:30 in the morning? I figured I would visit you, catch up a little. Come on now, no need to be so modest. We’re friends, aren’t we?” He grabbed my towel, which I had been holding in front of my crotch, and threw it against the wall. I was now fully on display for him once again.

“Now, there’s the little man’s little man! Seeing it again, I don’t even know if I could call you a little “man” anymore. Speaking of which, did you try on my gift? I’m sure this nub of yours fits it so nicely.” He reached down, trying to touch me to make his point, causing me to leap back. I tried to run past him, but he grabbed me by the wrist. I tried to scream, but for some reason, I couldn’t produce any sound.

“Don’t go leaving so soon. We were just starting up. I feel like we’re really becoming closer as friends here, ya know? How about this, since you’ve shown me yours, I’ll show you mine. That’s only fair, right?” With one hand, he pulled me back in front of him, and with the other, he dropped his pants. I now saw that he was fully erect in front of me. My eyes were locked to his penis, grotesque and ugly, a fitting extension of him. He pushed me down until I was on my knees and knowing what was coming next. I locked my eyes shut.

Suddenly, the grip on my wrist was released. I opened my eyes, my head still looking down at the tile floor, and I saw a bit of red begin to swirl with the water down the drain. I slowly turned my head to see Randy on the ground, struggling to get to his feet, blood trickling out of his nose. He managed to find his footing, and he ran out the door as quickly as he could. My eyes followed him, only to be blocked by the figure standing before me. Sam. There was a towel at his feet, clearly knocked off from the commotion, and he stood before me naked. I don’t think he noticed.

“Alex, are you okay? Come on, talk to me, what did he do to you? I know you said you didn’t want to talk to me, but please, just this once, I just want to help you.” My mind was racing. Sam had just saved me. After how I treated him, yelled at him, ignored him, he still saved me. And as I kneel on the ground in the showers, vulnerable, he didn’t push me any lower. Rather, he started to help me up. And as he did so, as he got closer to me, a thought popped into my head: this was the first time I’d seen Sam naked.

I don’t know why that is what I thought about, but at that moment, I just wanted to look at him. I saw the way his muscles tightened slightly under his skin as he gently tried to pull me to my feet. I saw the way the water rolled down his leg, following the contours. I saw the way he smiled at me reassuringly, but the look of intense worry in his eyes. All these things that I’d never noticed in a man before, or in anybody for that matter, I saw in him. And as my eyes moved up and down his body, I saw his penis. Something came over me, and as a reflex, I dropped back down to my knees and reached out to take it in my hands. He stopped me, pulling his hips back.

“No, Alex, we can’t. Not right now.” His voice was gentle. He didn’t yell or scold me but rather just tried to comfort me. Tears began running down my face again. “Hey, it’s okay, really. I just think you need a bit of time for yourself right now. For now, I think you just need to get to bed. You have a class tomorrow, remember? Come on. I’ll walk you back to your room.” He pulled me to my feet, taking his towel and wrapping it around me. I noticed he didn’t care to get a towel for himself but just walked me straight back to my room. He opened the door when we got there, turning to look me in the eyes.

“Promise me we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” I could see in his eyes that tears had begun to form, but he seemed to have fought them back.

“I…I promise.” I had never meant a promise more in my life. Without saying another word, he smiled and let me walk into the room, closing the door behind me. I thought it would be difficult to get to sleep that night, but I quickly found myself drifting off.

*****

My classes were a blur the next day. No matter how hard I tried to stay focused on the lecture, trying to get back into the groove of things, I just found myself absentmindedly doodling the whole day. What’s more, I noticed that the only thing I could think to draw was the exact same figure over and over again, the image from last night still burned in my mind. The more I drew, the more confused I became. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? I’ve never felt this way about anybody before. Why now did I seem so obsessed with him? I kept running different scenarios through my mind, thinking of how our talk later might play out, trying to come up with something to say to him.

After my last class, I rushed back to the dorm, though this time, not because I was trying to avoid attention. As I walked down the hall, I noticed Randy’s room opened, most of his stuff piled up in the hallway inboxes. I smiled for what felt like the first time in such a long time. I quickly went into my room before he walked out into the hall, hoping never to have to see him again.

Most of that afternoon was spent pacing in my room, waiting to hear a knock. I don’t even think I can describe the emotions going through my head. It felt as though I was anxious about what was to come, terrified of how it might go, but also excited to see him, finally talk to him again after so long. I thought about all the different ways he might react to what I had done last night, how I had tried to touch him. My mood ebbed and flowed as the outcomes shifted in my head. I practiced what I would say to him, determined to talk first, speak my peace before he got the chance. Then, just when I felt I had fully figured out what I was going to say, I heard a knock. I steeled myself and opened the door.

Sam stood on the other side, and he gave a slight smile when he saw me. Without a word, I opened the door further and allowed him to step inside. He took the liberty of sitting on the bed as I closed and locked the door behind him. I lingered for a moment, unsure of what to do next, but suddenly he spoke, breaking my concentration.

“So, how are you feeling?” Hearing his voice sent my mind immediately off the rails, and I lost control of my words and thoughts.

“I just wanted to say thank you, I guess, or not ‘I guess’ just thank you for last night. I was terrified, and I didn’t know what was gonna happen, but then you showed up and hit him, and he ran away. Still, you know that since you were there, and then I kept thinking about it today, or I guess not really thinking about it but thinking about you, and how you helped me and how you looked, or that’s not what I mean. Still, it is, I guess I really like you, and I missed you, and when you showed up, I don’t know what happened, and I’m sorry for…”

I was suddenly cut off when Sam stood from the bed and kissed me. My first kiss. I was shocked at first, my eyes wide, but they quickly shut as I returned his kiss. His hands found their way to my hips, and without thinking, I reached mine up to hold his face. I felt as though I was falling, but I just leaned further into him as he kept me on my feet. I couldn’t even guess how long we stayed like that, lips locked together before Sam pulled away. I finally opened my eyes again.

“Well, you really made that into a quick conversation.” He chuckled slightly as he spoke, warmth to his laughter. “You don’t need to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong. I assume you’ve worked it out by now, but I think I feel the same way about you. I think I have for a while now. I just couldn’t let it happen last night, not when you were in that mindset. I couldn’t take advantage of you like that, and I needed to know you really meant it.” I leaned in and kissed him again as he finished his sentence.

“And I guess that means you really did mean it.” Another chuckle. Despite all the scenarios I ran through my head, none of them turned out like this. Honestly, I didn’t even know I liked him until the words slipped past my lips, but as he kissed me, I never became more certain of anything in my life. I felt as though I loved him, and for the first time, I felt like somebody loved me. And at this moment, as he held me against him, I knew I needed to be with him.

“Um, do you think you can wait outside for a few minutes?” A strange idea had appeared in my mind, and I decided to act on it for some reason. Sam looked at me for a moment, confused, but before he could speak, I gave him another quick kiss. He nodded his head slightly and reluctantly let me go, his hand dragging across my stomach to maintain contact for as long as possible. Finally, he unlocked the door and stepped outside. I heard his back thump slightly against my door.

As soon as the door closed, I made my way towards my bed, pulling it slightly away from the wall. I reached my arm behind it until I felt what I was after. Piece by piece, I pulled up the lingerie set, laying it out on my bed. Whereas before, the sight of it filled me with rage, now my mind was filled with opportunity. The one thing Randy may have ever gotten right in his life was that this would definitely look good on me, and I needed Sam to see. I’d never worn anything like it before, never even considered it, but for some reason, it just felt right.

I stripped out of my clothes, my small but firm erection springing slightly as it came free of my boxers. I sat on my bed and slowly slipped each stocking over my foot and up my leg, relishing the soft fabric against my smooth skin. Next, I took the bra, which was more of a lace covering rather than a bra due to the lack of a cup, and put it on my chest, struggling to lock the clasp behind my back. After figuring out the clasp, I gently ran my hand across my chest over the fabric, feeling a jolt down my spine as I brushed each nipple.

Finally, I stood and grabbed the panties, holding them out in front of me, letting out a slight giggle as I looked at them. I stepped into them, one foot after the other, and slowly slid them up to my silk-covered legs. As I pulled them into position, they pressed my erection up against my body, but I reached my hand in and readjusted so my penis would poke through the slit in the crotch. I noticed a bead of precum drip to the floor as my penis slipped through the slit. I was already on the verge of cumming just from putting on the outfit.

I began to walk towards the door but stopped when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was nervous before, thinking that wearing this might be ridiculous, but as I stared at myself in the mirror, I was filled with a sense of confidence I had never felt before. Seeing how my ass neatly filled in the panties, how the thigh highs constricted tightly at the top, pressing into my flesh, or how the bra clung to my chest, hiding my newly sensitive nipples. However, more than anything, my confidence came from seeing my little penis sticking out from those black lace panties, looking like it belongs there. For the first time, I didn’t look at myself with disdain but rather with pride.

I drew my attention away from the mirror and went to the door, knocking on it to tell Sam I was ready. I stood behind the door as he opened it, hoping to increase the surprise when he saw me. I closed the door behind him, and he briefly looked around, confused, before turning to see me standing there in my new look. His jaw immediately dropped, and I did a little spin so he could get a better look at me.

“You…you look…I just…holy shit…” He struggled to form a sentence as I began to saunter towards him, making sure to sway my hips. When I reached him, my newfound confidence took over, and I kissed him once again, though this time, instead of grabbing his face, I reached one hand behind his neck and the other down to his crotch. I could feel he was hard as a rock.

“What do you think? Does it suit me? I think I already know what you’re going to say.” I gently rubbed his cock through his sweatpants as I spoke. I had never actually felt another man’s cock before, but somehow, at the moment, it just felt like I knew exactly what to do.

“You look incredible. I can’t believe it. Where did you get that from? You didn’t have to do this. I still liked you before…” I brought my hand to his lips, silencing him. I got on the tips of my toes so I could whisper into his ear.

“Stop thinking so much, dummy.” I have no idea what had come over me at this point. All I knew is that I wanted him, and he wanted me. I reached down to his waist, grabbing the base of his shirt and pulling it up over his head, throwing it behind him. I slowly dropped to my knees, feeling his body along the way. When I got down, I quickly pulled his sweatpants down, allowing him to step out of them. He stood before me in just his boxers, looking down as his cock strained to break free mere inches from my face. In this position, I could feel a puddle of my precum forming between my thighs.

I touched my hand to his inner thigh before beginning to slide it up the leg of his boxers. It didn’t take long for the tips of my fingers to make contact with the head of his cock, and I felt it jump as he let out a slight gasp in reaction. Next, I gently worked my fingers up the length of his shaft before grabbing hold, my fingers just barely closing around it. As I gradually began to stroke, looking up at him, I felt a warmth in my hand like nothing I had felt before. His cock felt unbelievably firm, yet also soft and smooth, giving slightly to my touch. I had hoped to tease him a bit more, but at this point, I could no longer hold back.

I released his cock and moved my hand out of his boxers before quickly reaching up and pulling them down, freeing his cock to the air. It bounced slightly and tapped me on the cheek, leaving noticeable wetness. I pulled my head back and grabbed the base of his shaft with both hands, moving it around to look at it from every angle. It seemed colossal, easily passing 8 inches, and was mostly smooth, save for one noticeable vein along the top. It was slightly thicker in the middle than it was at the head, a soft pink color. This cock was nothing like my own little penis, and I was mesmerized.

I looked up at Sam to see him biting his lip slightly. He was perfectly willing to let me explore his cock all day, but I knew he wanted more. While looking him in the eyes, I leaned forward and touched his head to my lips, giving it a light but audible kiss. I continued this along the length of his shaft before I reached the base, upon which I ran my tongue along his length back to the head. With every move I made, I could feel him twitch and squirm, and after repeating this several times, I decided it was time to give him what he wanted. I put my lips on his cock and allowed it to slide into my mouth slowly.

I had never experienced anything quite like the moment he first pushed past my lips. My mouth instantly felt full, my jaw opened wide, and I could taste a subtle sweetness coming from his cock as he leaked more precum into my throat. Trying to avoid my teeth, I started moving my head back and forth rhythmically, at first only taking the first two or three inches. I wanted to take more, feel him slide into my throat, but I couldn’t seem to do it myself. I reached for his hands, which up until this point had been at his sides, and placed them on the back of my head. Before long, he got the message, and I could feel him begin to apply pressure, pushing his cock further into my mouth.

As he hit the back of my throat, I started to gag slightly, letting out more spit and thoroughly soaking his cock. He slowed down, clearly worried about me, but I just kept sliding back and forth, prompting him to continue thrusting. Eventually, I felt my nose touch the area above his cock, and I choked as he bottomed out in my throat. This only lasted a few seconds before he aggressively pulled out, taking a step back but leaving a trail of saliva between my mouth and his cock. I felt some drip down onto my own penis.

“Holy shit, I was about to cum.” He firmly grasped the base of his cock as he said this, breathing heavily. I gasped for air as I watched him, wondering why he wouldn’t just cum down my throat, but I quickly figured it out. He wanted this to last, and he wasn’t about to let himself cum from just a blowjob. And I wanted nothing more than to oblige him. So I stood up from the ground as he began to calm down, releasing his cock, allowing it to droop slightly as he managed to calm down at least somewhat.

I stepped in front of him and kissed him again, this time allowing more of my saliva and his precum to mix into his mouth. I could feel his cock hang down and touch my own, which was still as hard as it had ever been. I rubbed my crotch slightly against him as we kissed, gently dry, humping his cock with my little penis. I reluctantly broke the kiss, wanting it to last longer but eager to move to the next step. I reached down and took his cock in my hand, leading him over to the bed.

I crawled into bed and began adjusting the pillows, giving him a clear view of my ass as I did so. Once the pillows were set up, I plopped my back down, spreading my legs, presenting myself to him. He quickly took his place between my legs and started gently batting his penis against mine, sending small strings of precum flying. Seeing us compared directly really emphasized just how massive he was, and I was hit with a sudden realization. I reached over to my nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a bottle of lotion I kept in there. It might be quite a challenge to take him in me, especially since it’s my first time.

He grabbed the bottle from my hand and squirted a little on his index finger before bringing his hand between my legs, rubbing it into my asshole. He gently pressed into me, his finger sliding in with little resistance. He quickly applied lotion to another finger, slipped it in, again easily stretching my anus to accommodate. He tried for a third finger and met slightly more resistance but could soon fit all three comfortably. After a few minutes with three fingers, he repositioned himself, so his cock was just touching my ass and squirted some lotion into his hand, rubbing it along his entire length.

He began to lightly press the tip of his cock into my ass, providing me with an immediate sharp and searing pain. I quickly put my hands on his chest, stopping him from moving, which he did instantly. I breathed heavily, trying to get my body used to the feeling. After about a minute, the pain died down, and I slipped my hands down his chest until I held his sides. He took that as his cue to continue and added ever so slightly more pressure into my ass. The pain was still there but tolerable now. Eventually, I felt a pop as his head fully penetrated me, causing me to release an involuntary moan. He stopped when he heard me, but I looked at him and nodded, beckoning him to keep going.

Suddenly, he thrust the remainder of his cock deep inside of me, causing me to cum immediately. My entire body convulsed as my penis began to dribble cum out onto my stomach. This orgasm was unlike anything I had ever felt before, spreading through my entire body rather than focusing solely on my penis. Sam looked down at me, watching me cum like a girl because of his cock, and waited patiently for me to come down from the high. When my convulsions finally settled, he scooped up some of the cum that had puddled on my stomach with two fingers and brought them to my mouth. With his fingers in my mouth, the taste of my own cum, which he had milked out circling around my taste buds, he began to thrust in and out of me.

His fingers were the only things stopping me from moaning each time his cock smashed past my prostate. With every thrust, I felt my body seem to fill up and get empty again, aggressively flowing back and forth. I could tell Sam had now lost all self-restraint as he pounded into me again and again, and despite the force, I felt only pleasure and no pain. Each thrust seemed to send another shockwave of my orgasm through my body, reliving that moment over and over. As he picked up speed, I could tell he was getting close to cumming deep inside me, barely a minute after entering me.

Suddenly, I felt my body lift off the bed as Sam effortlessly hoisted me into the air. It was as if he was now simply using me as a toy for his cock, and I had never felt such euphoric bliss. I wrapped my legs around his waist to gain stability, and I pulled myself in to kiss him once again. As soon as our lips met, I felt an intense warmth begin to pulse into me as he started to cum. Feeling him shoot into me brought me to another orgasm, the first time I had ever experienced two so quickly, and my penis leaked whatever cum it had left onto his stomach. I moaned into his mouth as he continued to unload into me.

When he finally finished, he let me fall back to the bed before collapsing onto me, his cock still inside me. His weight lying on top of me felt stifling yet comforting, as if I had never been safer in my entire life. I stroked his hair gently as I felt his cock begin to go limp inside me. I closed my eyes, just living in the moment, feeling happier than I ever had before. Then, with him on top of me, we drifted off to sleep.

*****

I woke up in the morning to find myself cradled under Sam’s arm. I was fully nude, and the cum had been wiped off of my stomach, so I guess he must have woken up at some point during the night and gotten us cleaned up. I gently draped one arm across his torso, trying hard not to wake him up, and I just looked at his sleeping face for a while. I thought about how badly I treated him, how I lashed out about my own inadequacies, and he just happened to get caught up in it, how I pushed him away when he tried so hard to reach out. And despite it all, he still came back. Lying there, under his arm, I never felt as if I had loved somebody more. But maybe, more importantly, I had never felt more loved. I felt as though I was about to start crying when I glanced down and saw his morning wood poking straight up into the air. What a great way to distract me from my sentimental side, I thought. Then, as I sat up and crawled between his legs, I realized that maybe this year actually would be the new start I was looking for.

 

The End.

 

*This story has been edited to fix spelling, punctuation, & basic grammar, but the narrative and plot have remained the same. Just remember, even with the limited editing we do, it doesn’t mean any possible major flaws in this story were fixed.