The Peanut Gallery
An SPH Experience by Intelligent_Yak8715.
Back in college, I lived in a house with five of my closest friends. We threw a party the night before that went way too late, and none of us had slept. By noon the next day, we were all dragging ass, but instead of calling it quits, someone suggested we start day drinking because there was another party that evening. Brilliant idea, obviously.
We were pounding beers, yawning, barely keeping our eyes open. Then somebody busted out a bag of coke. Lines on the coffee table. Bumps off keys. The day started picking up, but I was still fighting to stay conscious. One of my buddies—I’ll call him Dave—looked at me and said, “Dude, go take a cold shower. That’ll wake your ass up.”
You can already see where this is going.
I stumbled upstairs, kicked off my clothes, and stepped into the shower. Ice cold water. I stood there for a few minutes, shivering, hoping it’d shock me awake. Instead, I just felt lightheaded. The combination of no sleep, cheap beer, and stimulants had my head spinning. I remember that tunnel-vision feeling creeping in. I turned off the water and stepped out.
No towel. Of course.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Between the blow, the booze, the freezing water, and the fact that I’m already pretty small when I’m soft, my dick had basically fucking vanished. Just a tiny little nub sticking straight out on top of my balls. The whole thing had practically retracted into itself. Definitely under two inches. Pathetic.
No big deal, I figured. My bedroom was right across the hall. I sprinted out of the bathroom, completely naked, and made it into my room. I shut the door behind me. Then… nothing. My memory goes completely blank.
Apparently, instead of drying off and finding clothes, I wandered over to the little couch we had in front of the TV, figured I’d “rest for a second,” and immediately passed the fuck out. Flat on my back. Naked. Limp. Tiny dick on full display.
The next thing I remember is hearing hands clapping inches from my face. Someone was whacking me on the head, yelling my name.
“Wake up! Wake the fuck up!”
I kept mumbling, “Let me sleep,” but finally my eyes opened. I looked down and saw all five of my roommates standing around the couch, staring at me. Staring at my body. Staring at the shriveled little nub sitting on top of my balls like a deflated balloon.
I have never moved so fast in my life. I lunged for the nearest blanket while everyone lost their goddamn minds. One of them laughed so hard he literally had to sit down on the floor because he couldn’t breathe. Another was doubled over, wheezing, pointing at my crotch even after I’d covered it.
Then Dave looked at me—the same guy who told me to take the shower—and said, “Damn, man… and I thought my dick was small.”
I wanted to die.
What made it worse was what I found out later. I’d apparently been lying there completely unconscious for almost five full minutes while they stood around trying to wake me up. They yelled at me. They snapped their fingers in my face. They laughed. And not one of those assholes thought to throw a blanket over me. They just let me lie there, shriveled cock on display, for five straight minutes while they got their entertainment.
Somehow, I managed to pull it together, get dressed, and go to the day party with them that afternoon. Most of my friends were decent enough to keep it to themselves. A few awkward glances, some smirks, but no outright humiliation.
One of them, however, absolutely refused to let it die.
His name was Mike, and he spent the entire party walking up to girls and asking, “Hey, are you hungry? Because my buddy brought peanuts.”
He’d point at me. Wink. The girls would look confused. I would turn red. He would laugh his ass off.
“Peanuts.”
Like my dick was a goddamn peanut.
I’ve stayed friends with a couple of those guys over the years, and to their credit, they’ve never mentioned it again. But Mike still brings up the peanut thing every few years when we’re drinking, just to watch my face get hot.
It still randomly pops into my head at 2 a.m., and I physically cringe every single time. Haunting doesn’t even begin to cover it. I can still see their faces, still hear Dave’s “and I thought my dick was small,” still feel the cold air on my naked body while they stood there laughing at my microscopic little cock.
Fucking peanuts.
The End.
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