Our Readers SPH Experiences: My Late Husband’s Small Penis Ordeals
By hotpastdawn.
Hopefully, you will find some of what I have to write interesting. I would be interested in reading if any of you had similar experiences.
He shared that he first became acutely aware of his much smaller size in adolescence. He was spending the night at his best friend’s house, who happened to have a VCR in his bedroom and a porn video (this was the mid-1980s.) His friend first suggested that they watch it late at night and then brought up the idea of masturbating together as they watched. I suppose horniness got the best of him because he eventually agreed. He saw his friend’s erection for the first time compared to his own. It was significantly longer and thicker, and he had much more pubic hair than my late husband’s. He noticed that his testicles were also much larger than his own (I’ll write more on that shortly), and his ejaculation was more powerful and more copious in volume.
This “seminal moment” would affect his sexual confidence adversely. They repeated this activity together several times during their friendship, probably because his best friend never made any derogatory comments about his small size. He also confessed that this was when his fascination with large cocks started and influenced his preference for porn later in life.
My late husband was indeed the beta male in many ways. He avoided physical and sports activities that would have required him to shower or be naked around his male peers. He avoided dating and having a serious relationship until we met in our early 20s. I was attracted to him for his high intelligence and sarcastic wit. He was a virgin, and I was, to put it mildly, significantly sexually experienced.
Before dating him, I had been involved with an older man almost a decade my senior. His cock was the largest I’ve ever had, and he was responsible for the best sex of my life. While my late husband and I were dating, I became frustrated that he would not make the first move sexually. One night in his apartment, while we were watching a movie together, I took the initiative and attempted to give him a blowjob. I thought it was odd that I had to coerce him to let me take off his pants. I wasn’t put off that he was so small at first. I had just come out of a relationship with a man with a huge cock, and I probably thought my perception was skewed. He was, however, the smallest I had ever been with.
I was distracted because he climaxed only a few seconds after taking him into my mouth. It humiliated him. He apologized profusely. That’s when I discovered he was a virgin, which turned me on. I already knew I loved him, and I strongly suspected that he would be the man I would marry. Teaching him about sex and how to give me pleasure was fun, and he was a very willing and dedicated student.
(Note: His length would have probably been just fine, but he was slender in girth, and his glans were small.)
Fast forward years into our marriage. We had considered starting a family and tried for over a year without success. Our first visit to the doctor was a urologist for him. It was a female urologist. That’s when we discovered he had low testosterone and sperm with low motility. As I sat in the examination room with him and the urologist, she commented about “how much smaller his penis and testicles were than average” as she examined them with her gloved hand. I could tell he was dying inside because she said that to him right in front of me. She diagnosed him with “hypogonadotropic hypogonadism,” which likely caused his small size due to low testosterone during adolescence. She also explained that there was probably a correlation with smaller prostate volume, which could lead to less semen emission during ejaculation and affect his fertility even more adversely. He endured her digital rectal exam as I sat there and watched. I inadvertently added to his humiliation by telling the urologist – without thinking first – that the volume of his ejaculations was small.
It was probably shortly after that when my sexual fantasies started drifting back to the guy with the huge cock I dated before my husband. My female need to procreate was probably responsible for most of those fantasies. I thought about him when my husband and I had intercourse. With my husband, I had to concentrate on climax solely due to clitoral stimulation. My former lover could make me climax effortlessly, yet he often withheld my climaxes from me to drive me crazy. I knew my former lover could have easily fertilized one of my eggs. I craved the deep, copious inseminations he had given me in the past. I often climaxed during intercourse with my husband while fantasizing that my former lover was impregnating me.
Unable to conceive, we went through a period where my husband had some significant ED issues. He became disinterested in sex. I always had to initiate. Our interludes usually consisted of me giving him a blowjob to completion and then finishing myself with my fingers, a dildo, or a vibrator. He eventually started testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), and things greatly improved.
A few years before he passed away, he began inquiring about details of my sexual history when we were engaged in foreplay. He wanted to know all about my former lovers, my sexual activities, my largest cock, and my best orgasms. He wanted to know if he was the smallest I had ever been with. When we started dating, we knew I wasn’t a virgin, but my past had never been discussed. I was petrified to tell him the truth about the extent of my experiences.
I started doing research online about his interest in my sexual past. Conversations with men online gave me the confidence to open up to him. They assured me that he wasn’t asking about details to judge me but that it was a fetish/kink that many men have regarding their wives and girlfriends. It turned out that they were right. Describing events in my sexual history to him made him harder than I had witnessed him being in years, perhaps more than a decade. He often ejaculated prematurely due to his excitement. He became erect again much sooner so that we could continue our lovemaking once more.
As I continued to open up, he became more confident in revealing his fantasies and experiences. He said that he found it extremely arousing that he was the smallest of all the men I had had intercourse with in the past (and fellated to completion even more) and that I chose to marry him, the man who was by far the smallest. He also confessed that he was a voyeur and that his most potent sexual fantasies that he masturbated to were watching me have sex with a partner with a very large cock. He said that he knew just about everything there is to know about me after so many years of marriage, yet he did not and could not know me while in a state of complete sexual ecstasy that “only a large cock could provide.”
Perhaps the one aspect of his sexual fantasies I had trouble coming to terms with at first was his self-described fascination with large cocks. He admitted that it started while watching his best friend masturbate and ejaculate next to him while they watched porn together. He said his fascination became more reverent for those men with large genitalia as years passed. His feelings of sexual inferiority made him feel a deep need to be sexually submissive to another male, an alpha male who was significantly more masculine and extremely well-endowed. That’s when he confessed that he often fantasized about what it would be like to hold his erection next to a larger one and to kneel and fellate one to climax with his mouth. He emphasized that he did not find other men attractive and that the thought of kissing another man was “revolting” to him. He said it was more about sexual submissiveness instead of bisexuality.
I read many online discussions before I accepted that many older men have these same urges.
The revelations of his fantasies finally brought him to confess that he strongly desired to share me with another man, to watch me be fucked by a man with a large cock, to witness me climax in sexual ecstasy as the other man climaxed inside me. He desired to clean me afterward and to reclaim me as his own by replacing or adding to the more well-endowed man’s semen inside me with as much of his own as possible.
His ultimate fantasy was having me wake up next to him the following morning, with another man’s semen still inside me, because I chose to be with him instead of the man who had given me more sexual pleasure than he could.
I adored him. I loved his small and slender penis and would do anything to have him back in my life again. I write this because I know that many of the men on here who will read this will be significantly less endowed than average. You’re still worthy of love, just as my late husband was. The challenge, which is not impossible by any means, is to find a woman who will appreciate you and your small appendage. Be honest with her about your fears, insecurities, and sexual desires. If she loves you, she will be more than willing – and probably a little excited – to give you the sexual pleasure she wants.
That said, I love the cuckold communities online and try to participate actively and “give back” to them for what they first gave me. I publish stories related to these topics on Literotica under the same name hotpastdawn in honor of my late husband, the man I truly loved, the man with the smallest penis I’ve ever known.
*These SPH experiences have been edited to fix spelling, punctuation, & basic grammar, but the stories have remained the same. Erect dick sizes have been edited to be either Gold, Silver, Bronze, or Average. The opinions/views expressed in these SPH experiences (and in any comments) are those of the authors and do not represent this site. We support freedom of speech.